Just looking for support. Dom asked to "pause". I chose to end it.

First time poster. Sorry this is gonna be long but I need people to talk to? To vent to? To give advice on my decision.

I (35F) was a sub (first time) for a dom (31M) for a few months. We met in a totally vanilla way and matched on Tinder. He was visiting my city for work that week but we went on a few dates anyway. Had excellent chemistry, very aligned values, and very compatible. After the first time we had sex he revealed he's into BDSM and is a Dom. And because I'm open minded and was always curious I said yeah let's try it. He was a good Dom. Very organized negotiation. Catered to my needs. Made sure he understood my psychology. Very open to feedback on what could make things better.

We were also long distance and part of what we both discussed was that we are allowed to see and sleep with other people. We were both non-monogamous. I also told him one time to "choke his feelings down to nothing" because that's not us. This was very self-protective on my part. I knew we both really liked each other. But because of the distance I wanted to keep things within the dynamic and keep it fun when we're together. He didn't really agree or disagree with this, at let verbally.

Cut to this Friday, he suddenly sends a message saying that he's been seeing someone recently and that it's going well enough that he's "putting a pause on extracurricular adventures for the time being". He said he's sorry we won't get to explore further what was fun but that he's sure I have access to plenty of fun anyway. He adds a kiss emoji at the end. 😙

I was surprised by this. He never told me that once he'd find someone he really liked, that he'd choose to focus and be monogamous and he'd drop the dynamic. I'm hurt a little bit by that. It definitely felt like I've been discarded for someone local. All my friends, including my roster (lol) were surprised by this " break up". Everyone had the impression that he liked me more than I liked him. Essentially everyone's initial reaction was "What the fuck?!" I think over the past 2 months, it was obvious he'd chosen to disregard when I said we shouldn't let feelings be involved. In the end we were both acting nonchalant on the surface while deeply caring for each other inside.

At the same time I saw it coming. He was a bit absent in the past 2 weeks but we talked a week before that we're both busy with work (we're in the same industry and understand each other's work). And so I feel like he really took his time to think about things because we're so compatible. And probably weighed between the distance. Tbh I would probably make the same decision as him and pick the more practical option.

I responded to his message by saying that it's all good, that I'm happy for him and if we lived in the same city I would've cheekily thrown my hat in but can't beat the distance. I then said I'll trash the collar and he trash the wooden peg (a little but meaningful memento I left in his place the last time we saw each other). He had a weird response to this?? He used the sweat emoji 😅 and said well it needed throwing out anyway because I was allergic to the studs. I told him to stfu, i like the collar and was gonna keep it but that it's in the bin don't worry.

I also offered to be friends but that if he can't handle that, he should let me know so I leave him alone forever. I thought he had an even weirder response to this. He said "absolutely I should keep bothering" him and I should let him know whenever I'm in his city. I said please I was never a bother, I was always a delight, and that "ew I won't let him know when I'd be in his city, which is actually next weekend, because I'm respecting the new boundary he set as a decent human being". He didn't respond to that.

I initially thought it was him that ended the dynamic. But in hindsight it was actually me by trashing the collar. I didn't really understand what "pausing" a dynamic is "for the time being". I also felt in his messages that there was a lot of internal conflict. Like he has regrets but he's trying to do right by someone new while knowing he was gonna lose me in the process even though he really likes me. And he was scrambling to keep me in his life by essentially begging me to keep bothering him. But I refuse to be a doormat. And he deserves to explore his new thing without the distraction of me. Because we both now we could've been good too. And while I offered friendship, I think the enthusiasm he met that with (like asking to meet up whenever I'm in his city) feels like it could be dangerous for his new relationship. And so I've decided to delete his number and not contact him at all. If he ever reaches out again, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. My friends said that ironically, how I handled myself throughout this situation are exactly some of the things he liked most about me.

But I do think based on the conversation that he was surprised I ended the dynamic. Like he didn't see it coming how easily I'd suggest to destroy our physical mementos and essentially dissolve the dynamic. I don't really know what he expected from me when he said he's pausing this. But that was only what he was asking for, not ending it. It was also confusing to me. If he wanted to commit enough to someone by going monogamous, why put me on pause at all? Just let me go fully. Don't try to only half hold on to me. It felt like he was keeping his options open or that he's not actually sure if his new relationship will go well.

2 days later I don't have any regrets about my decision. But do occasionally think of what might've been and what ifs.

I really just want other subs' thoughts on this. I need reassurance that I'm not crazy. Or that I made the right decision.