Feeling betrayed by my body again

I’m just venting here because if I don’t then I’m probably gonna cry. I might cry anyway.

I’m 34F. I have endometriosis, PCOS/PMOS, diabetes, ADHD, CPTSD, chronic migraines, lichen sclerosis, and hidradenitis sippurativa. I try my best to eat anti-inflammatory, gluten-free, caffeine-free, and lactose-free, as well as low/no sugar or stevia and allulose sweeteners.

Within the last 5 days, I’ve had 2 severe medical episodes. The first, I woke up in the middle of the night with severe gas pain that led to projectile vomiting and an ER visit. I was on a clear liquid -> BRAT -> normal diet progression. Today, I ate normally, and then suffered an impacted bowel movement that required physical intervention.

I’m sore, exhausted, humiliated, betrayed, and just generally upset about everything. I take the damn meds, I see every doctor under the sun, I practice frankly ridiculous maintenance rituals to prevent flares of any kind, and then my body decides to have a crisis anyway.

I hate my body. I have previously begged my spouse to remove my uterus to make the pain stop. I’ve passed a decidual cast. I’ve required morphine for a migraine before. I. Hate. My. Body.

When does it stop?!