spiraling and hate myself (tw//sexual assault)

it’s my fault i got sexually assaulted by my brother. i think i asked for it and my brain is just trying to deny. but i think i wanted it to happen. i’m disgusting. it happened all the time from 6-16 (29 now). i feel like i enjoyed it and let it happen and now people know that about me that i’m a horrible rape fetishist or something. i feel so gross, i cried so hard i threw up. i’m also a trans girl and i feel like such a stain on the community.