Second guessing myself

I’ve been dating someone for close to a year, and it’s been incredibly hit-or-miss. She has a great spirit and can be so sweet and caring, but she also has a tendency to do things like openly belittle people and talk down to service staff.

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It leaves me feeling incredibly conflicted. I try to remain self-aware and keep myself in check, but I can't stand constant drama or unprovoked disrespect. On top of that, when she drinks, she can become nasty and impossible to reason with. She has frequently canceled plans because of this...meaning events I bought tickets for, special nights I planned, and honestly, a lot of sincere excitement and hope, just wasted. In her current state, she is not someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. We’ve talked about it, but her stance has always been that she’d leave anyone who tried to change her. She says she's seeking help, I stayed passive, just hoping she’d see the light on her own.

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The underlying issue for me is that I have an avoidant attachment style. I'm actively working on it, but if I'm met with high intensity, anger, or deflection, I completely check out. It feels hardwired into me. I'm not a trainwreck, but I’m far from perfect, and I just don't handle high-conflict situations well.

I kept holding onto hope because I didn't want to throw away the good parts, but I also don't want to be miserable. I was finally finding my peace and happiness before this relationship. I thought I was building good relationship skills by trying to talk through our issues, but instead, I just felt like I was losing myself. So, after another instance of failed expectations, I finally broke it off.

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I'm not sure what I need right now. Someone to tell me if I'm being a prick. Someone to tell me to follow my heart. Maybe just people who will get it.