my essay is apparently too vague

i wrote an essay draft and the first feedback i got said it was too vague and i relied too heavily on abstract statements. i totally see that, but the reason i wrote it that way (i allude to the stuff in my activities section) was to avoid seeming redundant. i also hate how adding specific details interrupts the flow of my writing style. they see my whole application anyway so i figured why mention them by name again? should i still be specific or not idk. lmk if u want to read it to get the full picture