opinion on being in relationship with widow/widower

we are all human and have different perceptions of loss and grief experiences and attitudes towards relationships. But here's what worries me uhh Widowers who start a relationship with a new person, but they will always have their deceased partner in their heart, precisely in the sense that they love both of these people and they are on the same level of importance to the widower, despite the fact that their partner is dead.

It just feels so unfair that the widower's new partner values ​​and loves their partner above all else, but doesn't get reciprocity and exclusivity. When I say exclusivity, I mean that the new partner can't be the single most important and loved person, because their dead partner, even though they're dead, will always live on in the widower's mind. you obviously can't compete with the dead, the point is that you have to accept life with the fact that you will never be the only loved one of your widowed partner, if the widower feels that way, when a widower accepts a new relationship but can't let go of the love for the first partner

but from this perspective, you have your only life and only one chance to live it, why wouldn't you choose to live that life with someone who will put you first and most loved? don't we deserve to be someone's first? A widower is entitled to his feelings, but why would you want to be in that kind of relationship?

(I'm not speaking for all widowers, I'm speaking only specifically for those widowers for whom their dead partner will always be just as important as their new partner, when the widower loves his dead and living partner on the same level. I understand that a deceased partner and an ex-partner don't feel the same way and it's a different "completion"I have never lost a partner and have never had a partner, the post is just my thoughts on the subject. )