First Holiday without my dad…

Never experienced a death of someone close to me until I was the age 30… I lost my dad. My brother and I were some how lucky enough to have gotten the call he had a massive heart attack, and that we needed to come to the hospital.. he lived 3 hours from me, my brother and I got there within 2 hours. He never knew we were there..bc. By that time he was vented.. but we were by his side for 18 hours while the doctors did everything they could to get him stable and to get his heart to start pumping again.. but he ultimately suffered hypoxia and they took him off life support that next afternoon. I did get to say goodbye, and for that I will FOREVER be grateful. But this is the first holiday without him, and it happened to be Father’s Day. And today we celebrated it early for my stepdad.. and while I was happy that I could celebrate it with him, because I do love him too. It just makes me miss my dad something fierce, and honestly.. it makes me want nothing more than for him to come back, and I know that isn’t gunna happen so it’s a lot for me to process. :( He passed away last September. And his birthday is next month. I already hated the summer bc it’s HOT AF… but now bc I’m lonely and empty too :(

TLDR; first holiday without my dad, and he passed last Sep I haven’t been able to really properly grieve him. I just want him back :(