How long did it take you to find peace?

I (27f) fell out with my best friend (28m) over 3 years ago now. We were more like siblings than best friends, his family were my family and vice versa. The fallout was messy, complicated and upsetting for both parties, but I feel like he has certainly moved on and accepted the circumstances.

I still carry an unbearable amount of grief around this. Not to sound dramatic, but I honestly feel traumatised by the situation, even 3 years on. It’s not a daily fester, I can probably go a week without feeling the pain but it still rears its ugly head.

I had to see this person recently (mutual friends got married) and I feel like I’m back at square one. It’s a Saturday night, I’ve had a few drinks and here I am feeling like I could cry my eyes out again over this lost friendship. It’s like he died? I immediately lost access to his parents and siblings that I cared deeply about (his mum still reaches out to me occasionally but it’s not the same) and I lost what felt like my other half.

I feel like this has ruined my approach to friendships, it’s ruined my friendships to our mutual friends, it’s so upsetting. We were friends for 8 years before we fell out. Surely 3 years should be plenty time to get over this?

I’m rambling but I’d love to hear your stories on how long it took you to feel whole again. I can’t believe after all this time it still feels so raw…