Is this anxious–avoidant marriage salvageable?

My husband and I have been in couples therapy for about 1.5 years, and our therapist has identified an anxious–avoidant dynamic, which we both agree with.

I’ve been having ongoing issues with my husband around communication and emotional conflict, and I’m trying to get outside perspective because I feel very confused and emotionally exhausted.

When I bring up feelings like hurt or disappointment (for example, “I felt uncared for when X happened”), he often experiences those statements as criticism of his character (like “I’m not enough” or “I always disappoint you”), even though that is not my intent.

In response, he tends to become defensive or withdraw, and says my emotions are too intense or that there isn’t space for his feelings, or shift the conversation to the ways I have hurt him. He also says he avoids bringing things up because he doesn’t want to fight, disappoint me, or hurt me.

I can also see my part in this. I am emotionally expressive and can get tearful in conflict, which I know can feel overwhelming. I do try to stay engaged, and I come back to repair when I realize I haven’t communicated well. What feels missing is consistent mutual repair and his ability to stay with my emotional experience long enough for it to be acknowledged before shifting focus.

Recent conflict

In a recent conflict, after I had already expressed in therapy that I was at the end of my rope emotionally and needed things to change for me to stay in the relationship, we had another argument where I again tried to express feeling alone and unheard. He said there was nothing he could do to change how I interpret his actions and made several statements about my character, including that I am unsupportive, that I hate what he does for work, that I want to change him, that I am trying to “bend him to my will,” and that I weaponize my emotions.

After that I became very emotionally overwhelmed and flooded. I started packing some things because in that moment it felt like the relationship might be over and I had reached a breaking point emotionally. I was not making a planned decision to leave, but reacting to feeling completely overwhelmed and disconnected. He responded by telling me to calm down and that I was overreacting.

I’m trying to understand whether this is a cycle that can realistically be worked through with continued therapy, or whether it reflects a deeper mismatch in emotional processing, conflict tolerance, and repair style.

This has been an ongoing issue, so I’ve tried to summarize it clearly, but I’m open to giving more context or examples if helpful. I would really appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced similar dynamics.