Feeling burned out and jealous of others kids the same age as mine meeting all the milestones.

I’ve written in the toddler forum a couple times before but this is more of a personal concern.

My son (19months) is not talking or engaging with us much at all. I sit with him and try to show him blocks or really anything that takes concentration to do and he just walks away making moaning sounds all the time. He’ll grab a single toy or part of a toy and just walk around with it making moaning and screeching noises. He does come up on occasion giving me some kind of affection like a hug or cuddle but that’s about it. I’m a FTM and I see other babies online who interact with their parents with words, gestures, and all the typical things he “should” be able to do at this age. Now, before you say it, I know children develop differently but I feel like all my efforts are just basically wasted at trying to teach or show him anything.

We do have an appointment with a developmental specialist and speech pathologist which I’m looking forward to, but I’m also scared of what they might say. I don’t know if I can handle it if I find out that he is going to be autistic or any other developmental issues. I know autism isn’t diagnosed this early but the concept truly terrifies me. Like, really scares me to the point that I don’t think I can deal with it. He hasn’t regressed on anything. He walks, does play with toys, and has met pretty much all the milestones aside from speech. He does look us in the eyes most of the time so he’s not avoiding us like that, but just doesn’t seem to understand when we want a hug or when we tell him to come over to where we are. He’s also super hyperactive. Doesn’t sit for very long and won’t watch a show/movie next to us for more than a minute or 2.

I’m not asking for sympathy here on my part but please be kind in the comments. Last few times I wrote here I got some mean people saying I wasn’t doing enough for him and so on. I’m doing my best.

I’d prefer and appreciate any advice and feedback on what you have experienced with your child if they are/were like this at his age.

Thank you!