Missing a "perfect" year from your past

Nothing is perfect so i put it in quotes... but 2023 got pretty damn close for me. It was such an awesome year that i find it difficult to move on from it to this day. It is the closest I have ever been to full out, completely unadulterated joy, especially as someone who has struggled with severe depression my entire life. I was in love with a girl who changed my entire world. I was hanging with friends regularly. Travel was in my budget so I was always seeing beautiful places and things. My apartment was magnificent. And i had so much spending money and savings in that particular year that it was crazy.

Fast forward to now, and as the years go by each thing has left, or is leaving me. My ex cheated out of the blue one day in 2024 and moved on. Friends have moved out of state or drifted as life happens. I've been financially struggling due to a plethora of new life issues that have entered the picture. And travel has been once a year. It just sucks how you can be ON TOP of the world for some seasons, and so much lower for others.

On days where it feels dark and gloomy (like today), all I can think about is how I used to journal about how happy I was. The pages would constantly say sappy things like "universe, please let me keep this feeling". It reminded me of walking on air. A typical day consisting of kissing my dream girl and staring into her eyes first thing in the morning, followed by lunch with fun people , followed by an evening of live music and drinks. Nowadays I'm mostly alone and working on getting my money up. Most friends don't even answer calls or texts anymore.

I think I'll be back, one day. But for now all I can do is smile softly to myself and remember a time where every single thing felt right. It stings a bit, but I have hope.