My mother found out I’m still with my boyfriend and now my life is hell

I am in my second year of college and have been in a relationship for almost three years.
What makes this situation particularly frustrating is that I never intended to hide it. On the very day my boyfriend confessed to me and we started dating, I told my mother about him myself. I thought being honest was the right thing to do.
Instead, she reacted extremely aggressively. She demanded that I leave him immediately and became physically violent. After that experience, I felt I had no choice but to hide the relationship.
So despite being honest from the beginning, I ended up spending the next three years keeping it secret because I was afraid of the consequences.
Recently, my mother somehow figured out that I was still with him. I honestly don’t even know exactly how. I think she simply had an intuition and started connecting different things. Since then, the situation at home has become unbearable.
The biggest issue seems to be that my boyfriend is Bengali. From everything she has said over the years, this appears to be the primary reason for her opposition. If he belonged to a different community, I genuinely do not think the situation would be this severe.
My mother is extremely conservative and controlling in general. She monitors my activities, comments on my clothing, restricts where I go, and constantly questions my decisions. She repeatedly taunts me about my boyfriend and speaks about him as if he has somehow ruined my life.
She has also created a narrative that he is responsible for me not pursuing the career path my parents originally wanted for me. The truth is that I had been struggling with burnout and questioning that path long before he entered my life. I was exhausted by the process and had been dealing with those feelings independently of the relationship. However, she continues to blame him for everything.
The physical aggression has also continued. The most recent major incident became so serious that I actually started bleeding from my face. Some of my friends advised me to go to the police, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that because she is still my mother.
Another problem is that I have almost no freedom anymore.
During the first year of our relationship, I couldn’t meet my boyfriend at all because of my parents’ restrictions.
When I started college, I occasionally managed to meet him by telling my parents I was going early for library work or other college-related reasons. Those were often the only opportunities we had to spend time together.
Now even that is no longer possible.
My mother has become much more controlling than before and often doesn’t want me leaving the house unless it is absolutely necessary. She has even made it difficult for me to meet friends. So this is no longer just about a relationship. It affects my entire social life and sense of independence.
She frequently asks me whether I am willing to leave him. The answer is no.
But the reason is not only because I love him.
At this point, the issue has become bigger than any one person.
Of course I love him, and I hope our future works out, but I don’t know what the future holds. Nobody does.
What I do know is that I do not want to live in a situation where I am forced to give up important relationships, friendships, or personal choices simply because someone else disapproves of them.
The issue has become about whether I am allowed to be my own person.
My father is different from my mother. He is still conservative and has told me things like “this is not the age for relationships” and that I should focus on my career. However, compared to my mother, he is much calmer and more reasonable.
I believe he already knows that I am probably still in touch with my boyfriend, but we rarely discuss it directly.
My problem is that I don’t know how to move forward from here.
I don’t expect my parents to suddenly approve of the relationship.
I don’t expect them to become completely supportive overnight.
What I would like is to gradually normalize the fact that this person exists in my life and eventually reach a point where I can meet him occasionally without constant conflict, surveillance, accusations, and emotional warfare.
So I have a few questions:
How do I slowly get my father more comfortable with the reality of the relationship without creating another major conflict? And get his permission to meet him occasionally
How do I gain any amount of freedom when one parent is extremely controlling and monitoring almost everything I do?
For people from strict Indian families, how did you eventually move from complete opposition to at least basic acceptance?
How do I stop feeling so resentful and suffocated all the time when I constantly feel like my life is being controlled?
I am looking for practical advice from people who have actually dealt with similar family dynamics, cultural prejudice, or controlling parents.