I've noticed a pattern in myself that I want to break.

Whenever someone especially a girl  starts getting comfortable with me, texting regularly, sending voice messages, genuinely enjoying talking to me, I suddenly get this feeling that I should stop. My brain tells me "you're wasting time, you'll get attached, cut it off."

So I do. I pull back. And then later I feel lonely and wish I had someone to talk to.

I did this for a long time without understanding why. But I think I traced it back to one person who said something to me that hurt so badly I literally couldn't breathe. After that day I unconsciously decided — never again.

The weird part? She came back. And I genuinely wish her well, I pray for her happiness. But I don't want her back either. I've moved on from her. What I haven't moved on from is what that moment taught me  that getting close to someone means eventually feeling that pain.

So now I leave everyone first. I've never actually been left. I just always leave before it can happen.

I know it's irrational. I know I'm guaranteeing the loss I'm trying to avoid. I just don't know how to stop.

Has anyone been through this? How did you break the pattern?

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I detach from people before they can get close and I just realized why