Dear JS

I genuinely don’t even know how to start this because of how emotionally unstable i became when you joined my live. Main reason being I DMed you explaining myself a little more. You blocked me. So it’s fine. I don’t understand why you are looking at my stuff if you don’t want to have a mature discussion and either have closure or possibly rekindle. I know you probably won’t understand how I got where I was when I only left your state after 3 weeks at that point and texted you I didn’t think our relationship would last. The truth is. I’m not sure if we are meant to be. I live life on the edge. I’m impulsive. I have issues that I’m aware of and working on and I struggle with substance abuse. I was a foster kid. I grew up in traumatic homes and situations. I have problems and I’m sorry you met me while I was in such a dark place.

The main contributing factor to me breaking up with you was because my substance abuse got so bad. The friends I had at the time weren’t the best support. They pressured me to drink. Smoke. Do reckless things. Etc. but something else I’ve realized is a particular ex best friend of mine really was in love with me. She said things to me like “long distance will never work just drink and smoke your feelings away and have a good time”. Funny to think I took her word considering I’m not friends with her anymore.

We simply just met at the wrong time and that’s not necessarily a bad thing I just wish you would take some initiative also. I’m ready to apologize and take accountability. I moved to the state we spent time together in. I still haven’t walked downtown and have been here for 6 months because of our Cheesecake Factory date. Idk if you thought I didn’t really love you. I thought/think you are the “one”. I love you still. That’s why I’m trying on my end and showing. However this ends. I just hope you get everything you deserve and more. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I flaked out. I’m sorry that I let other factors get in my head.

Overall I’m scared. Scared to post this. Scared to face things I’ve been kinda avoiding or thinking through. I’m just disappointed. If you want nothing to do with me. Why do you act like you do? Make the move soon ♏️ because I’m not waiting to settle anymore and I’m not here for games.