Am I being dramatic or are these as bad as they seem?

TW- child endangerment
First off I want to say that a few of the instances are absolutely not ok and I know that. What I’m now struggling with is what do I do? Husband doesn’t have a job, he suddenly quit in March. He doesn’t have any local friends. He’s not a terrible person but when he’s triggered, he has no emotional regulation and acts out. I know he loves our son and our son loves him so I know it’d break both of their hearts. I know husband is reacting from childhood trauma but I think I’m just using that as an excuse? I think maybe I just need some outside perspective? I feel like everything is just spiraling in my life.

This is a timeline of the last few weeks, starting with an incident that I feel fundamentally changed how I saw husband. We’ve been having issues and there’s been other things but the first on this timeline really sent me into questioning staying. To preface I was also in a car accident in February. I’m so sorry it’s so long.

Friday May 8th
The morning started off rough. I could tell husband was not in a good mood- it seemed that my very existence angered and annoyed him so I thought maybe it would be best for me to take 3yo son to my grandparents and let him have some space. Time to himself, time off of parenting. Things he’d been telling me he felt overwhelmed with since quitting him job in March.

I took my sister to her appointment in the morning, then brought son to my grandparents. I gave him a bath. My mother came over. Then son and I drove home. On the way, I called husband to ask him if he wanted to get ice cream. He said yes and quick fix/drug test for his potential new job. We picked him up from the house and went to Fred Meyer. Husband went to look at customer service for Pokemon cards while son and I went to the ice cream. Husband met us at the ice cream, said he didn’t want anything and we went to check out. We ran into my mom and sister on the way. Husband said he’d seen them at customer service. We checkout, all is okay. He still seems upset but there’s minimal arguing. I ask him about the drug test and quick fix but he tells me that’s not something we can get at Fred Meyers.

We leave Fred Meyers and head home. Almost as soon as we get on weidler/broadway, I notice husband looking in the rear view mirror. He then says something about getting off his ass and he hits the brakes a couple of times. I ask him to please stop and he doesn’t. He keeps hitting the brakes and I say “stop it’s making my neck hurt and it’s just not safe.” Then he starts screaming at me “SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.” While brake checking the car behind us, speeding up to cut the guy off from going around us, brake checking again, looking in his rear view at him. Son then asks him to stop because “it makes me neck hurt.” And husband yells along the lines of “look what you made him say now.” We pull up to a stop light. Husband is yelling still and the guy that was behind us, comes up to husbands open window and says “what’s up?” Husband yells at the guy “fuck you you little bitch.” And slams on the gas, cuts off another car, is jerking around to get away. I start telling him to stop driving like that. He screams “shut the fuck up” over and over again and I keep responding “stop driving like that.” He balls up his fist and keeps screaming and driving erratically until we are in front of our house. It’s so loud that people outside of the car on the way home, with the windows rolled up were looking at us.

He slams the brake, throws the car into park, slams the driver side door and goes to the house. I get out of the passenger side and get into drivers side to move the car. I roll up the window and it’s broken. I see him coming back toward son’s door so I try to lock the car but he rips it open to take him. I tell him to stop because he’s scared of him. He leaves son and goes back to the house. I pull up and over, then son asks me “why is baba screaming? Why did he break the window?” I ask son if he is okay and he says yes. I tell him I don’t know, that baba is really angry but that’s not ok.

As I’m sitting there crying, trying to explain to son what happened, I look out my window and see a strange woman. She comes up to the car and asks if I’m ok. I say yes but then start sobbing harder. She leans in and hugs me while I cry into her neck and tell her what happened. Husband comes back out, opened the passenger door and yells “who the fuck are you? She’s fine. She’s playing the victim. Mind your business go away.” I yell at him to “just stop and go away” to which he grabs son and takes him inside. She asks me if son will be ok and I tell her “He should be yeah. He doesn’t hit us. He won’t hurt him.” But I realize that I’m not entirely convinced myself. The woman’s boyfriend and their friend comes up. They ask me what happened, who he is. I tell them that he’s “my fucking husband.” And what happened. They ask who’s house we’re at and I say my dads. He says “your dad or his dad?” I clarify and he says ok. They tell me where they’re staying, and that if I need anything at any time then to go over there. I say I have to go inside and give my baby his ice cream and go to get out of the car but forget to shut it off so she reminds me. I grab the ice cream, thank them, they wait for me to get inside. I walk past husband who’s holding son still, and he asks me what they said. I said “why does it matter?” He said it does. So i tell him they wanted to make sure we were safe and not being beaten basically. I take son upstairs and we eat ice cream, watch some TV, and talk about what happened. He comforts me but I make sure to ask him if he’s sad, scared, how he feels, tell him that’s not ok or safe.

I put son to bed. I fall asleep with him. I wake up and husband wants to talk. I say ok and go into the living room. The first thing he says is “why do you push me to the edge?” This is where I lose my cool and tell him that “I don’t trust him anymore to keep us safe. It’s one thing with me but absolutely not ok with our baby in the car. What if that guy had a gun? There’s absolutely nothing I said that should’ve pissed him off that much but there’s nothing anyone should ever be able to do to put our son’s life in danger like that.” He asks me again what they said and I tell him. He says he’s worried the cops will come take him or about my dad and brings up my dad bringing a gun out when ex wouldn’t leave my car. I tell him that’s a completely different situation. I point out that he hasn’t once apologized, he gives an apology but it feels forced. I go to bed.

The next morning we take son to school. I drive. I ask him to put on his seatbelt because I don’t want to listen to the car beep at me the whole way and he snaps at me “why do you push and pry?!” i just scoff and don’t respond.

For the whole week after, everytime son gets into the car he asks me “Is baba going to slam my door? Is baba going to break my window? Why did baba do that to the window? Why did baba scream like that?” Son starts saying “I want baba to go to work/school/go away.”

He flicked son in the mouth a day after the window incident and it scratched him. When I’d noticed the scratch, I asked what happened and husband said he didn’t know and “what are you blaming me for it?” Then I found out a day later that he did do it. Not on purpose- he said son’s face hit his freshly cut finger nails when he went to flick him in the mouth for screaming.

MAY 12th
He calls me saying he can’t bring son to school because he was up all night since. He drank a redbull. I asked him to give us the shower he promised he said he’d try. He did showed him. I get son ready and off to school. When I get home, I have an appt at 9am so I sit in my car crocheting and talking on the phone with my sister. Suddenly I see a missed call flash from husband and the second one rings and I let it go to voicemail. I text him that I’m on the phone with my sister. He responds “idgaf” and I said “ok?” Then nothing. I have my appointment. I go upstairs and I’m trying to talk with him but he’s completely ignoring me. Then calls his sister and starts a conversation with her. I get a little frustrated and feel like “fuck me then whatever dude.” i go take a shower, get into bed and I’m decompressing before I sleep. He walks into the bedroom and I ask him “Are you ignoring me?” He says “Well I don’t want to talk to somebody that doesn’t respect me.” i say “what? What are you talking about?” He says “I also don’t want to talk to somebody who rage baits me.” I say “I’m not rage baiting you but whatever dude.” Then he leaves the room. A little later he comes back, opens the door and he’s standing there ankles crossed, arms behind his back, leaning against the doorframe and says “Did we do the dishes?” i say “uhhh.. no? We clearly didn’t do the dishes? And you’re not even talking to me. So..” he says “ahh.. hmm did I need to talk to you about something important on the phone?” I say “I don’t know, did you? I was on the phone with my sister so I didn’t answer you.” He says “hmm.. why don’t you respect me?” I say “what are you talking about?” He says “you bitch buttoned me, you dismiss me in front of our child, you just don’t respect me.” I say “Dude what are you TALKING about? For one, I didn’t bitch button you. The phone went straight to missed call the first time and the second time I texted you and said I can’t talk.” He says “mmm yeah ok.” Then I say “ok.. and what do you mean dismiss you? Literally our child was fine this morning?” He says “you always say wait wait wait wait then you never give me the time of day.” I say “what are you talking about?! Give me examples- I don’t understand what I did.” He says “yeah whatever” and walks away. I say loudly “what the fuck is going on?” Then I go to bed.

MAY 16th
I wake up with son, turn the TV on for him, get him some snacks to go with breakfast. I tell husband he says he wants Pancakes with peanut butter. Husband says “I’m so tired of giving him breakfast every morning.” I say “….thats our job?? As his parents??” Husband says “I just- he eats better than us.” I say “…then we’re doing our jobs right?” He said “well I’m just tired of every morning.” I go to sleep. Later he says “I’m so tired of doing laundry and dishes and cat litter all the time just nonstop. I want to throw it all in a pile and burn it.” I say “yup that’s a thing. That’s adulting. I understand that. It’s a thing I also get tired of always doing. But you can’t do that. That’s part of adulting, having cats, having 3 people living together. Plus we live upstairs so our dishes don’t get right to the sink and the laundry is two floors down so it’s not as easy as just popping it in the wash right in the other room.” Then later, son was sitting with me, pulling on my shirt. Husband yells at son “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH PRIVATE PARTS!!” Then grabs his hand and squeezes it. Son starts crying and I say “well now he’s upset so everything we were just talking to him about is moot because he’s upset and not able to actually process it or listen to anything else we’ll have to say. So you kind of just fucked up the whole conversation about biting, lying, doing things he’s not supposed to do. So that was all for nothing- cool.”

MAY 18th
I wake up to husband getting frustrated with son so I step in to help which makes him mad at me. Husband and son go to the park. When they get back, husband starts packing a bag. I ask him what’s up and he says “we’re going to my parents.” I say “who’s we? When?” He says “we’ll do you work?” I say “yeah tomorrow and Wednesday.” He says “ok then you’re not going. But we’re going. I need space.” I say “son has school tomorrow and we have plans for Friday.” Husband asks me why I’m holding son from his family to which I say that I’m not at all. Husband asks me if we’re still married, says he doesn’t want to see couples therapist anymore because she always takes my side, and that it’s none of my business if he called his hiring manager today. Then he starts saying everybody can hear us ‘fighting’ and says “IM DONE. I’m not arguing because I don’t want to go to jail.” ((We were inside in our bedroom)). He relaxed a bit and said they were leaving the next morning.

MAY 19th
My alarm to bring son to school goes off so I wake up and ask husband if they’re still going to his parents that day. He says they’ll go tomorrow and to bring son to school. So now we’re late. I get him dressed, get him breakfast. Husband says he’s going to take a shower and I say I’m worried I won’t be back in time for my appt at 9am. Husband says “well… I guess you better hurry.” While I’m dropping off son, husband calls to tell me the doctor is there. I say “ok uhh I’m helping him wash his hands real quick.” Husband says “he’s an hour late why don’t they just help.” I say “because he likes when I help him? It’s like our routine? I’m coming.”

Later, I tell him I didn’t like that he didn’t care about me being late for my appointment. He says he didn’t do it intentionally and I say but that’s kind of the problem- you didn’t do it intentionally but you didn’t intentionally think about ‘oh she has an appt’. We talk and husband says “I think my social media is toxic. It says what I want to hear and what I need to hear.” I told him that he’s giving me emotional whiplash- one day he’s like ‘fuck this I’m pissed at you, everything’s your fault’ and the next day he’s like fine and it’s really confusing. He says ‘I’m sorry’ I say “ no it’s like not normal emotional back and forth. One day you hate me and the next day you don’t. I don’t know what to do with that because I never know how you’re going to be ever and it’s really confusing. I don’t know how to act.” Then he got on the computer, was fine, got off and was angry with I’m not sure what as I left for work.

MAY 20th
Husband called me from his parents. Son was crying, husband was being really short with him about him stretching his shirt and not picking up his toys. He kept being loud saying “pick up your toys. Pick up your toys. Pick up your toys.” Over and over while son cried. Husbands dad came outside and they started arguing. His dad says something about the neighbors and guests, husband says “i wasn’t even allowed to play outside” i see him block his dad’s body with his arm, from going to son. He’s done this to me. Husbands dad says he’s calling the police. All i say this whole time “husband. Husband stop. Husband. Husband” son is there crying and watching this. I start to freak out. I call husbands mom she doesn’t answer. I call husband back he doesn’t answer. I get a call from “husbands” but it’s his dad telling me to he’s sorry but to come get my son because he’s calling the police on husband and they will take him and take son. I’m begging him to not call. He says he used bad words and is yelling and not being nice to son or him. I say i know but please. He says husband has to leave. I beg him to not make husband drive home angry with my baby in the car because all i can think about is when he drove angry the other day. Finally his dad says he’s sorry but ok he’ll just leave until husband leaves in the morning.

MAY 22nd
As soon as we get service when coming back from the beach, husband calls me to tell me he’s selling his Pokemon cards- all of them.

MAY 26th
We brought son to school and after swung by my grandparents to look at their yard work. On the way between his school and their house there was construction. I said “I’d just go around it.” He said “do you think i have the patience to wait?” Then said i was backseat driving. Between my grandparents and my dads, husband had pulled out his phone and was holding it saying “Reginaaaa call me back so I don’t have to call youuu.” Then the line of cars cleared and he sped up toward the yellow light. I saw it turn red, saw a car coming the opposite direction trying to turn left and I said “HUSBAND it’s RED” and he slammed on the brakes. He started to drive aggressively but then seemed to pull it back a little. We got home and he was explaining to me that my backseat driving triggers him and is what causes accidents. I told him that his unsafe driving triggers me to say something. He said he was fully paying attention, I said no you had your phone out, he said no he didn’t have it out at all.

He came downstairs (I was waiting for the chiropractor to come) and says “do you even know WHY I said he’s creepy? I come down and he’s pitching a tent while you’re face down” (speaking about the massage therapist) he then asked me “is this over?” I didn’t answer and told him I don’t know how to answer that.

“Our sex life died over 5 years ago” “no it didn’t” “keep on lying to yourself. We’re not together anymore.”

Later that night he was kissing me and cuddling me.

MAY 27th

Husband puts on the documentary “The Crash” to finish what he’d started watching. I told son “this is why when you can drive you have to always drive safe. No matter what your friends say.” Husband says “she was driving really fast and killed two of her friends.” I said “and you never drive angry- it’s not safe either.” Son instantly says “like baba did.” Husband said I set that up and did it on purpose but I truly did not.

JUNE 6th
We try putting son down for a nap. I left the room so husband could put him to bed. Next thing I hear is son screaming then crying and husband comes out and says he smacked him in the mouth for screaming in his face. I go into the room and son is crying but not his normal cry. He’s struggling to calm his breathing and says “baba hit me in the face like this” and smacked his whole side of his face. I calmed son down and kept having to tell him he’s safe it’s just him and I. I then took son over to my grandparents for a bit to hang out. On the way he said “baba needs to say sorry for hitting.” He also said “mama my hit doesn’t hurt anymore!” When I mentioned to husband that son said it was his whole side of his face, husband just said it was dark.