Advice with friends boyfriend

I feel awful even writing this because I don’t think I’ve actually done anything “wrong”, but I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt about it for a long time.

My friend has a boyfriend. Before they were together, he liked me on Tinder. He didn’t know at the time that my friend and I were becoming close friends, and honestly it wasn’t a big deal.

The problem is that him and I get on really well.

I know that sounds terrible to say, but we come from quite similar backgrounds, have a very similar sense of humour, and generally just seem to understand each other quite easily. My friend is very different from both of us in that sense. Over time I became aware that he has a lot of the qualities I would normally look for in someone, and that made me feel guilty.

To be clear, this wasn’t me sitting there wanting him or planning anything. It was more this uncomfortable awareness of “if this wasn’t my friend’s boyfriend, this is probably the sort of person I’d naturally get along with” Because of that, I became more aware of keeping boundaries and reminding myself that he is my friend’s boyfriend.

Then there have been a few moments over the years that have made me uncomfortable. The biggest one was when we were on a night out. My friend wasn’t there, and I had something smudged on my face. He wiped it off for me in a way that felt surprisingly intimate. Nothing dramatic happened, but I remember thinking afterwards that it felt a bit too personal.

I’ve also noticed that when he’s drinking, he can become quite affectionate towards me. Not in a way that I could ever confidently point to and it definitely means something but enough that it makes me feel weird.
It’s the sort of thing where if I ever mentioned it, I’d probably be told I was reading too much into it. We all hang out in the same friendship group, so it’s not exactly something I can bring up without potentially making things awkward.

Recently it felt more noticeable than usual and I found myself passively shutting things down because I didn’t want to encourage anything or create the wrong impression.

The thing is, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with these feelings. Not feelings for him, but feelings about the situation. I feel guilty all the time. I overthink how I act around him. I worry about coming across as weird, distant, overly friendly, suspicious, or like I’m hiding something when there isn’t actually anything going on.

I almost feel more uncomfortable because I care so much about not crossing a line. I don’t really know how to relax around the situation anymore.

I don’t know what to do?