I wrote a first treatment of a screenplay, I had my sister, my amateur film maker friend and brutally honest bot read it, Not sure if i should be encouraged or discouraged.

I do not want to go into details of the script itself, I never wrote screenplays before but somehow i got really excited for this idea and i think i finished the entire treatment in less than a month, I had my sister, my filmmaking friend, and a chat bot called brutally honest read it, they mostly shared the same positive comments, but the negatives were pretty mixed.

The positives : They think the idea itself and the hook is great , the premise is unique, and although the story is kinda scifi, it is pretty emotional and focuses on human interactions not space ships or gadgets.

They like the 2 main protagonists, and they think the scenes have good sequences, like scene 1 causes scene 2 which causes scene 3 etc.

They liked the ending and said it made sense, despite it being a bit sad.

My friend said i think visually or cinematically, as in the writing can be imagined easily into a movie and not novel writing.

The Negatives : my sister was worried that the characters joke a lot in dire or sad situations, maybe she is right, but that is what i do, I joke a lot, maybe i imposed it on the characters, She is also worried about the dialects, the story is multinational but i wrote all the dialogue in my native common tongue.

She also thinks there are too much cursing in the dialogue , I do not think so, i was just mirroring our local street culture, She also thinks i am putting too much faith in people's deduction and intelligence , and i should explain stuff more.

The bot and my friend mostly shared the negatives to the point i joked to her about if she read it or just fed it to a bot to analyze it, here is what it comes to :

some scenes lack focus, Like i am trying to do much in one scene, also the parallel stories at the start do not converge fast enough.

some character changes have weak motives or are a bit abrupt, I did this for the sake of shortness, not wanting the script to be too long, Also i am over stuffing ideas, like the story deals with lots of conflicts and i should sacrifice one or 2 of those.

My friend said it is pretty promising, and the stuff i lack like focus and structure are actually pretty learnable, she also said i made the right choice to make story a priority instead of going for the grandiose of scifi, I do not think i will stop writing even though this will probably not turn into anything serious, but I am enjoying it too much to stop, and it is also giving me ideas for other stories