My classmates killed my love for debates, and I will never forgive them for that.

My first encounter with debating was when I cut classes because my friend in a higher level invited me to watch a debate finals with their class. Long story short, it was heated in a way it's so refreshing to hear because both sides didn't back down and it was valid points back and forth, back and forth. It's not the kind of debate that rely on savage comebacks and call that 'witty', it's truly thought provoking and jaw dropping. And BOTH sides had people cheering loudly, I didn't know who was going to win.

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So of course I was somewhat excited when we were assigned the same when we got to that grade. I'll admit I didn't do as good but it was different. That loud booming atmosphere? GONE. The room was dead silent for my match. It made me nervous but for my first time debating I thought it didn't matter, oh well. Until the next matchup came and suddenly my classmates had the capacity to cheer one side if not both after all. This wasn't a big deal but I was insecure about having no friends to cheer loudly even if the teachers demanded everyone to be quiet if it meant having your back, I don't get cheers unless it's already awarding. I felt lacking even if I pushed my best to guise myself as an extrovert. It's not that they didn't cheer because I sucked ass, oh I WON alr and everyone said it was deserved.

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This is the case that made me hate debating officially. I got another debate assignment in my new school and I was kind of nervous given my last debate I cried for some reason lol (not the one I mentioned but not important). I'll admit I had a good group and everyone was looking at me like I'm going to save them from the depths of catching a low grade (I'm a transferee but I always get top notchers smthn like that). And preparations were smooth, we researched and planned carefully about counterarguments. Maybe this was finally the debate of a lifetime.

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One thing we all didn't expect the next day, the main debater in the offensive was the class clown. I didn't think much of it because I studied all night digesting our hard-researched material but of course research is different from the actual thing.

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Topic? Is bringing back extinct species a necessity? I say yes, they say no.

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I did very well the first half given my group had to stop me from hogging all counterarguments that they prepared for and needed a grade. Not to be a pick me but I'm genuinely locked in and they kept saying "damnn did we really have that in those tiny index cards?". We already planned for me and another groupmate to take most of the heat once everyone got a turn.

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Then in the second half they bring up one of their main arguments, that the reported chances of success were very low given the needed money so "humanity CAN'T pursue it". This was one of my expected problems but I prepared for it. My point was that (surprisingly) IVF have even lower success rates in 1900s, if they claim that humanity CAN'T pursue it then how have we been successful and bumped that 5% success rate in the present to a 79%? Not exact but that's the gist and we were citing specific research articles anyway.

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Then their counterargument to that? "OP name \*but in a savage tone\*, what does pregnancy have to do with reviving dead animals?". I assumed he didn't understand my counter but before I can explain the ENTIRE classroom went "ohhhh shiiii" "GOTTEM" and laughed at my previous counter. I explained it again but then his counter was "Okay but ANIMALS are different from BABIES? Amirite? \*pan to the crowd\*" And the audience fucking hollered again. That's the entire comeback, to all the numbers I mentioned and stayed up late for THAT'S what they consider valid?

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The rest of the match we countered other points and the other side kept dismissing ours and moving on. After the encounter I froze in my seat and stared at the floor the rest of the closing speeches. I won best debater and our team won but there's still a hole in my chest. I don't consider myself having an ego but I guess it worsened my inferiority complex.

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I cried to sleep that day. Not because I was going to lose but genuinely felt like a fucking fool. I hated them for that. I pulled an all nighter to help my friends but in the midst of it I felt played. I thought it was going to go away since we got ANOTHER short debate and still, I wasn't able to bring up my points well because their tactic was to keep interrupting even.

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I cried AGAIN, in class but I didn't sniffle, I let my eyes well up with tears. Everyone was so loud when it came to me talking but everyone respectfully piped down when it's one of our well respected and revered classmates. This was about respect now, everyone and I mean EVERYONE didn't want me to talk and shut up. Everyone cared more for the hypothetical grade (IT WASN'T GRADED EVEN) than letting me continue. They didn't interrupt me with an argument, they all SHUSHED me as in "shhh shh shhh \*counterargument\*".

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I handled some accidental dismissals from my old school so I'm used to that since we all get caught up in the moment, but not this level of rudeness. It's different when 5 of your friends are rooting for the opposing side but still cheering for you too when you have a turn, from your entire classroom close to 50 students all tell you to shush. It's honestly worse that they're not barbaric cuz I'd expect it, I just didn't expect my classmates who are so kind to each other shut me down like that. I thought I would finally get over my self confidence issues but it made it worse.

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I just want that kind of respect I have for them. I guess respect is not earned but bandwagoned by whoever was here first.