tl;dr we became really close last year but he got a girlfriend and completely ditched me. I really cherished our friendship, but I feel like I was just convenient and disposable ego fodder to him.

  
Basically, I met a guy at my job early last year and we got really close. We spent hours every single (week)day together. We were only ever just friends, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't catch some feelings. He had a (different) girlfriend at the time. But he'd neeeeverrrr talk about her, specifically to me, so at some point I convinced myself they had broken up and he had feelings for me. I mean, for example, he'd wait at my bus stop with me for up to an hour every single day. Sometimes we'd both pretend to not see the bus to get more time, and he'd be intent on staying until my bus showed up, even if he had dinner plans he was running late to. When I did learn they were still together, I brought it up. Because, well, in retrospect, if I were in his gf's shoes, I would have felt pretty uncomfortable with his behavior. I pulled back after that, yet he leaned in.  


Then I lost my job. It was only at this point they broke up (coincidentally, I guess). We would still hang out, but after a few weeks he got very distant. I figured he was busy with work, holidays, family issues, etc. But at some point he just flat out ignored me and wouldn't even look at my messages. It was only a month ago I learned he's been in a new serious relationship... which, of course, I did not learn from him, and he never brought up prior.  


I'm devastated because I feel like I was just a "benchwarmer" he kept around simply because he was unhappy with his girlfriend at the time, and I was convenient. But when he found something "better," I was no longer necessary. (For the sake of brevity, I'll just say I think it's weird how open he was about literally everything else in his life except his girlfriend, and I have a lot of stories about him curating a bachelor-image to me.)  


I just miss our friendship. Just goofing around and joking and talking about our fears and families and dreams and etc. That's all we ever had, and I was happy with that. (I live in a big city with plenty of options.) But we went from spending hours a day talking to him not even bothering to say hi. Not even a monthly or bimonthly catch-up. And despite not having actually talked to him in months, I still think about him every day (pathetic, I know).

  
I realize some people may say that I obviously still have feelings but he was never actually interested in even friendship, and just wanted attention. Please be kind because even if I was disposable to him, our friendship was super real to me. I have been doing everything I can to "move on," like meeting new people, hanging out with friends, journaling, pursuing hobbies, focusing on health and (finding) work, not contacting him, etc. Trust me, I've built a super rich life that I do love, with a ton of friends and shenanigans and potential connections. 

  
It's just bananas that it's been THIS LONG and I still think about him every day, though. I have very obsessive tendencies which are grueling to deal with. Thanks for reading my pathetic novella.

  
Pictured: tortilla chip scoops with salsa, sour cream, and cilantro. (Not pictured: a strong salty dog, which may explain the length and sadness of this post.)

Friend ghosted me after getting a new girlfriend.