Am I wrong for feeling trapped and unhappy in my marriage?

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I (28M) have been married to my wife (26F) for 2.5 years and we've been together for 5 years total.

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When we first started dating, our relationship felt balanced. We went on dates, spent quality time together, and both contributed to the relationship. Before moving in together, I told her I would cover the major bills if she could help with groceries since I earned more. We were both happy with that arrangement.

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About two months before we got engaged, her health took a dramatic turn. We still don't have a diagnosis, but she struggles with what we believe may be a combination of autism, PTSD from past abuse, anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and occasional suicidal thoughts. At the time, we decided together that she should stop working so we could focus on her health. So I picked up some extra jobs while attending college to cover what we were missing.

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Over two years later, I feel like we've made very little progress. We've seen multiple doctors and specialists, tried numerous medications, and she's currently in therapy. Despite all of that, her overall mental and emotional state often seems worse rather than better, and we've accumulated a significant amount of debt during the process.

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Some of the things I'm struggling with:

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- She spends a large amount of time on social media and frequently becomes distressed by things she sees online. It often leads to panic attacks and fears about the future.

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- I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. Small disagreements can escalate quickly, and I'm always worried about triggering a trauma response.

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- Most of our conversations revolve around depressing topics or crises from things she saw online. When I try to talk about my own feelings or struggles, it often turns into an argument where she feels invalidated, and my concerns never really get addressed.

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- I feel like I've become the sole provider, caretaker, cook, housekeeper, and emotional support system. Between work and classes, my days are often 10–12 hours long before I come home and take care of the majority of the housework that needs to be done.

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- She rarely contributes to household chores anymore and spends much of her day online.

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- The thing that makes me feel most trapped is that she has repeatedly told me that without me she'd be homeless, alone, or possibly dead. And honestly, I'm at the point where I believe that. There aren't many work options for her to return to, and her family are a bunch of POS who let her trauma get so bad.

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I've tried talking to her about my burnout before. Most of the time it turns into a discussion about how my concerns make her feel, and we never really address the original issue. I leave feeling guilty for bringing it up at all.

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I love my wife and care deeply about her. I don't resent her for being sick, and I know many of these struggles aren't her fault. At the same time, I feel exhausted, isolated, and increasingly unhappy.

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What makes this difficult is that I no longer know where the line is between supporting a spouse through illness and enabling behaviors that are making both of our lives worse.

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tl;dr

Has anyone been in a similar situation? At what point does supporting your partner become losing yourself?