I wish seeing couples wasn’t so painful

touched grass today and as expected there were lots of beautiful people in love outside. ive already accepted i am probably going to be alone forever, i am indifferent about it most days. but something about seeing couples is very triggering, it breaks me out of the numbness if that makes sense, it forces me to remember that im not “normal”. I saw a guy i went to school with out with his stunning girlfriend and that was enough to make me start crying once i got home