Honestly freaking out

I've been taking the same meds for a while now and while I believe they've been working to some extent and much better then those before, I'm still miserably depressed.

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Obviously I don't expect to be better just because meds are working better then before but my doctor has now told me to not come back for 6 months. It feels almost like I'm being left alone again. I still think almost every day about how much easier it would be to die. After this appointment I've been having panic attacks multiple times a day. I'm kind of just scared and don't really see what the point of reaching out was if in the end I was just gonna be spending a couple hundred bucks every month on meds that only help to a degree. Like it would just be easier to dissappear