I (25F) never been in a relationship and I’m at a total loss

25F, 26 soon, and i genuinely don’t know how to find a partner. Feels like every week i log onto my social media someone is either engaged or getting married. I have not even had my first kiss yet…. I also don’t have many friends so I feel so lost and alone. I think besides obviously feeling alone, I feel embarrassed!

I never grew up with that many friends. Usually 1-3 friends and as I got older I found it harder to connect with people. I am now out of school, WFH and only have 2 friends. Who are not friends with each other so it’s always one on one hangouts. They both are busy so I rarely go out with them. I have never had a partner either. I don’t think I’m ugly, but I do really question if I’m pretty to men. I’ve never been the girl that guys go to in a group setting. I’ve always watched my friends get hit on. I’ve have only ever been called pretty by my friends. While I want to believe them it is hard to. My friend who always tries to hype me up can literally step outside and any guy will ask her out. I’ve never ever been approached like that!

There’s only ever been two guys that have shown interest, both coworkers and one was significantly older than me. It was very uncomfortable. The other guy I saw as a friend and did not have feelings back. Both was back when I was 19-20.

I am seeking counselling (mostly body image and anxiety issues), but I am still feeling very lost. My therapist recommended I try joining groups which has not been successful. My interests are homebody ish and even when I try to join groups or a class, I don’t meet anyone in the similar demographic.

I like art, mostly crochet and trying new mediums. I’m not great at it, but I still like it. I think it may be the city I live in, but every time I try to do a new class, it’s always 40+ year olds, mainly women. Which don’t get me wrong, the ladies are lovely! But I just want friends or a partner of similar age. I feel like an outcast in almost every social situation. I don’t drink, I don’t party. I tend to be a bit shy at first until I open up.

The area I live in is super active and athletic. Which for me is the complete opposite of who I am. I’m terrible at sports and I don’t like them. I only do the odd workout class and even then, I have never met anyone through that. Everything that 20-35 ish y/o’s in my city do is hockey, dodgeball, volleyball, run clubs and softball. As someone with major gym anxiety too, the gym isn’t exactly my first choice (plus expensive).

I work a second job so it does make it hard to do volunteer work. The very few times I did do volunteer, it wasn’t my vibe. Not sure if it was cause the group I was with was more religious. People were older as well.

I’ve tried dating apps and guys don’t seem to be very interested in me. I don’t know if it’s how I look or my personality? It feels like everytime I meet with a guy I’m the one always putting in the effort for the conversation. I almost have always initiated the second date. I hear many women say if a guy is really into you, they won’t hesitate on the second date and that very rarely happens with me. I don’t get very many matches either now that I updated my profile. I don’t want children and my dating pool has gotten significantly smaller. Also I’m very nervous that I won’t find a guy that’s okay with me having 0 experience. The very few times I’ve talked about it, both the men seemed a bit turned off by it or weirded out.

I go out on my own for walks, shopping, activities. My therapist told me to work on making eye contact with random strangers. So I try to make eye contact (I still struggle with it) but feel like the universe is not even on my side because if I see a guy that’s kinda cute, he’ll be with his partner.

I tried to make it my goal to have my first kiss before I was 26 but I guess that goal is out the window lol. I was hopping online dating would at least accomplish that! It’s starting to make it hard to believe a man will ever be in love with me. I’ve been alone for so long that it’s hard to see myself in a relationship now.

TLDR; I’m 25F, almost 26, and have never been in a relationship before. It’s been really hurting my self esteem and I feel like I’m trying but at I am at a total loss. I have tried joining activities (art related activities), and online dating. I WFH, finished school and don’t have many friends. Basically everyone I know is in a relationship. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong or what to do.