First picture is me.

I'm a 23 F with BP1. (bipolar type one) and BPD. The first picture is me and the second are people he follows. Me and my bf of 6 years broke up and I am having suicial thoughts because of it. I keep thinking I want to take my full bottle of antidepressants.

More context. We've been broken up for 6 months and I can't bare it. I've begged for him back and he doesn't want me anymore. I've tried everything. I know it's stupid over a boy. But I've had intrusive thoughts and dreams of him having swx with other women. The dreams are vivid and so horrible it haunts me genuinely. I obsessively check his following and it's all pretty girls that are anorexic thin. I'm not fat or ugly but I do have a curvier shape and they are so thin they could break. All emo with no boobs and I'm blonde and have some chest and ass.  I can't stop feeling worthless. I have no way to contact him because I asked him to block me so I can try and move on and I just want to talk to him so I can be okay. I know this sounds dumb and attention seeking but it's genuinely plaguing my mind him having sex with others. I don't want to die I just don't want to have these thought anymore they have taken over me. I'm just so fuxking pathetic obsessing over someone who does not want me and I hate myself for it. When I look at the girls I start banging my head into walls and sometimes I cut which I know is not healthy. I just hate that I'm not even his type

The girls he follows make me not want to eat.