How would you make your WLW partner understand your commitment to the Church and my faith?

Context: My girlfriend and I are already on our second year together. In those two years, what has mostly limited our actions and our pagsasama isn’t my family—it’s mainly because of my church.

We’ve been hiding our relationship and my gender identity from most of my churchmates. A few trusted people in church know about us, but most really don’t. And that’s because of my fear that I might get punished by the church or lose my connection to the church, which is a place that I genuinely love serving in and where the people I care about deeply are.

This has been one of the things my partner and I argue about. Over time, natututo naman siyang maging patient and understanding with me. But I also know she still can’t help but feel tampo whenever we have to hide in public or limit our time together.

I’ve actually made a decision that I’ll slowly step back from ministry and slowly make more space for our relationship as I am also already in my 4th year and had to lessen my responsibilities. But it’s not easy to walk away or lose connection with the church—especially with people I’ve grown to love and treat like family.

My partner doesn’t really understand that part. Sa tingin niya, madali lang naman umalis sa church at i-cut off sila lahat. Sometimes she even jokes or mocks me by saying na nagpapaka-people pleaser na naman ako because I can’t leave my church.

And honestly, I don’t think that’s fair.

I’ll admit that my commitment to the church hasn’t always been perfect or consistent. But what makes it hard for me to let go isn’t just obligation—it’s everything I’ve been through there. I’ve been serving and growing in that church for years. It helped strengthen my faith and became one of the things I hold onto whenever life gets difficult.

I’m thankful to my partner for trying her best to understand and for being patient. But sometimes I wonder—isn’t this unfair too?

We’re out to my family—my whole family, in fact. Coming out to them wasn’t easy, but I still did it. On her side, we’re only out to her cousins and not to her parents. But did I ever pressure her about that? Did I ever make her feel guilty or force her to come out to her family? Never.

Hindi pa ba sapat na assurance o commitment sa kaniya yung fact that I continue choosing our relationship despite knowing the risks? Especially when I’ve already been warned before because I was almost caught being with her.

Naiintindihan ko naman na masakit para sa kaniya na kailangan naming magtago, pero masakit din naman ’yun para sa akin. Didn’t she ever think about how difficult this situation is for me too? Hindi ko naman pinili na maging ganito o gustuhin na kailangan naming magtago at limitado ang mga kilos namin.

And honestly, what hurts me the most is feeling like I’m being asked to choose between two things that are both important to me.

I don’t want it to become a choice between my relationship and my faith, because for me, it shouldn’t really be like that. I don’t want to lose my partner, but I also don’t want to lose a community and a place that became part of my life and faith for years.

What I’ve been hoping for isn’t for one side to win over the other—I’ve been hoping that we could understand each other enough to go through this together, without making either of us feel like we have to give up a part of ourselves.

This is not how I want things to be between us, and I don’t want to end things with her because I really do love her.

But this… this feels like something we shouldn’t be fighting over in the first place. And lately, it’s been making me feel unseen—as if the things I’m risking and grieving are not being understood.

How do I make her understand and acknowledge my situation more?

I need help kasi I don’t want to go through this again and again, and ayoko na makipag-argue about this with her..