TW: CP after Fet #1

I did my first FET with a euploid late May. Beta was already low 12 at 9dp5dt. I knew reading on here that wasn't great so I had little hope. My betas still doubled until today 19dpt. It only rose 28% over 3 days. I know it's over. Clinic hasnt called yet but I'm expecting them to tell me it's non- viable. Some part of me wishes this happened last week so I wouldn't have been stuck in limbo. Its been a week of anxiety hell.

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Anyway, I'm just sad. But I'm also 40 with 3 other euploid embryos. I feel like I don't have much time to grieve given my age and if I need to make more euploids better to find out how future FETs will go. I made 2 euploids both rounds at 39 and 40 so I feel fortunate there but time is not kind to us. MFI factor only but I feel at age 40 rate of euploids will decrease. So now I'm just worried the last 3 won't be enough.

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I thankfully already had a vacation planned so going to take the month doing that, let hormones settle out of my system, and then restart this hell.

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But today I feel extremely defeated. I can't stop crying worrying if the next one will work or won't. Sad this one gave me some hope only to fail. I haven't told many people other than my husband about my journey since it is so personal. I just needed to get it out somewhere.