Emptiness

I never could imagine how alone I would feel if my wife were to be gone…. Now it’s a reality and I am just at a loss. My wife took her own life a little over 2 months ago. It feels like yesterday. I replay coming home to find her 15 times a day in my head. But now trying to find any kind of normalcy is excruciating. You don’t realize how much you interact with your spouse even when you’re not in the same room now I sit at the house and try to find things to distract me like a TV show or something and it just doesn’t work. I really miss the one that chose me that made me feel wanted 31 years together, and in an instant, she was gone the confusion this has caused is immense I feel like a zombie walking through my day at work, coming across the times that I would text her or call her and not being able to do it anymore. I want to be OK. I need to be OK but this just drags me down every time I don’t have my mind occupied with something else. God I miss her so much. I miss a hug. I miss a kiss. I miss a random conversation about absolutely nothing. But most of all I miss her laugh and the fact that the house is so quiet and knowing I’ll never hear that again hurts so bad.