This isn’t for me

So it’s been 2 years together and 2 years married in Aug…I met her maybe 6-7 times (she’s from MN I’m from OH but joined the army and married right after basic PS in 34 I should have known better) but her son, who I met less then 3 times has NOT been a kid I’d ever want to raise. He’s 10 almost 11 I’ve explained this numerous times and when we argue about how picking his clothes out, cries literally when he sees an ANT, can’t really tie his own shoes…took a year of arguing to have him out the toilet seat down and anything I ask
Him to do like the toilet seat or remind him daily to do his chores that she gives him 20$ a week to do ( literally just trash out and empty/fill the dishwasher ) I get told “he’s just a kid” but my kids are 6 and 11 and if I have to remind you you lose things and I don’t believe in chore money that’s contributing to the home ( now if you mow or do extra you get some money but not no damn 20$) and there’s a LAUNDRY list of things she just delays him on and I get tired of the “you need to be more of a father figure to him” and I’ve stressed “it’s not my kid everything you want you should have stayed with his dad” cuz when I DID try I was ignored or made to feel bad, to the point I set a boundary with the nacho parenting

My kids live in Florida and when I talk to her about moving, she wanted to wait two or three years and I simply don’t wanna wait. My kids visit in the summer. We went to his graduation and my daughter told me I wish she could go to mine and so it killed my mood And no one was excited for his graduation because they do think they buy him all kinds of stuff mind you is going from 5th to 6th grade and I’m missing my kids but she makes me feel bad for divorce and leave so I can just live my life single with my kids and focus on myself