I don’t know how to move from this.

Trigger warning - Thoughts of suicide

A few years ago I met this wonderful guy who’s very smart and funny and after getting to know him, I was sure that this is the person for me.

We eventually fell in love and got married and thats when things took a turn for the worse.

I became pregnant and was not working - so I did all the household chores - cooking, cleaning, laundry, anything and everything.

His family was horrible to me and gave me a lot of distress - he didnt say a word.

When our child was born - I was mostly with my parents who took care of me and my child. Husband would visit occasionally.

Postpartum, I was suffering so much from anxiety, depression topped by constant criticism from his family and he never once supported or protected me, i considered ending my life too but once i got out of the baby blues i let it all go and started fresh.

I got back to work - we both work from home and have no sitter for our child so when my parents arent there to help us with our kid, we do everything ourselves

Except I have to do everything - I keep telling him that this is all too hard for me - a full time job, maintaining the household, cooking for us and for the kid, the mental load of constantly keeping a child safe and taking care of everything he needs…

Its tooo toooo exhausting - I need to keep asking for help. But i shouldnt have to.

He should know what needs to be done in the house and just do it.

My husband does take care of our child but his needs always come above mine

- his work, his social life, he goes to the gym everyday, his childfree hours are for watching tv or scrolling but mine are to do the other things around this house

I am so tired. I married him hoping that I would have a life filled with happiness and adventure - I had very strict parents…

But now my life is confined to the kitchen or taking care our kid or infront of my laptop

I only have so many hours in a day that i always get scolding from work because i am not completing my tasks on time.

My child still breastfeeds so i wake up at night or whenver the child wakes up.

I need help and i cant tell my parents because this was mydecision and they will be hurt - they are already sick.

I asked my husband so many times when we got pregnant if he was ready, but he has just assumed me as the default parent, default cook, default everything and just ruined my life

I am so unhappy idk how to live like this or how long i can live like this.