I just found out that my cousin's daughter has been showing symptoms of a disease I have. That no one ever told her or her guardian she could get.

I have to share a little bit of a complicated back story that I hope I can make sense to other people.

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I have a severe heart condition that almost killed me as a child. At 16, I was told I would not live to 30 and went through multiple diagnosis before reaching the correct one. I do want to say that my heart condition is rare. For someone that age, it was exceedingly rare. For how bad it was, it was unheard of. I am actually in several research papers because I was dealing with stuff they did not think was possible.

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Due to that heart condition, I had my first ablation when I was 19. That triggered several genetic conditions. I passed out for the first time 6 months later. Two forms of Dysautonomia: POTS and NCS. They ended up being very severe. I was passing out multiple times a day, many hospital stays, ER visits and tried so many different meds. I am now fully pacemaker dependent, with a pacer that helps keep my blood pressure up so that I stay conscious. I also have severe EDS, which put me in a wheelchair because my knees constantly dislocate and I got sick of falling suddenly with no warning.

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When we found out that it was genetic, I messaged my cousins on that side of the family. To let them know what to keep an eye out for. We have also talked about it several times since then.

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On Saturday was my Grandmothers 90th birthday party. I was speaking to my uncle's ex-wife, who has been raising one of my cousins oldest daughters. We don't really see her much and she and I have never really talked about my medical stuff. My mom was talking to her (they were closer when they were both first married.) She asked how everything was going and found out that this girl has been experiencing severe cardiac issues. Heart rate up to 180, what sounds like pre-syncope. They even did an ablation on her. This kid is only like 17. She started to have cardiac issues at 9. So, her mom knew about me and knew my crapwas genetic. Never told her mother. Never told her daughter. Never told me so I could talk to them.

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My life has been hell. Mostly because of my cardiac issue, which I don't think this girl shares, thankfully. I have had more surgeries and procedures than I can count. So many holter monitors. So much fear. So much feeling like the only person who experiences this. So many doctors who don't believe you. So many friends and family who think you are making it up. Being told you were going to die. Physically feeling like you are dying.

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I am so beyond pissed at my cousin. However, she died suddenly in a car accident two months ago. So, I can't even ask her why.

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I think that someone in my freaking family should have told me. The cousin's father actually died in the beginning of December. So I can't even ask him if he knew about her. I feel so much like I failed this girl that I don't really even know.

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Mom and I did both sit separately and talk to my aunt. My mom told her about from her side, the fear and everything else that goes with caring for someone with this type of thing. I covered the medical stuff. Symptoms. What to look for. Asking if she had this thing or this thing happen. I gave her my cell number since the kid wasn't there and I wanted her to know she could reach out if they have any questions.

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I honestly just want to start screaming at the top of my lungs.