40M, problematic relationship with my twin brother 40M

What to do to lessen my fears?

Its all about my relationship with my twin brother, we are both 40 years old

I'm a 40-year-old man, married with a 2-year-old daughter, and have been struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety attacks for about 20 years.

I've been in therapy for many years, and I'm currently once again grappling with my relationship with my twin brother. For as long as I can remember, my parents have always held me responsible for my brother, saying he's unstable and can't cope, etc. This isn't true – my brother has a pretty good job, plenty of savings, no family, and no girlfriend – but he manages in everyday life.

For many years, we spent some of our holidays together – traveling both domestically and abroad – sometimes as far away as Africa. Some of these trips were okay, and I have many good memories, but on others, my brother behaved terribly. He accused me of not wanting to be there at all, of forcing him, of hating cycling (it's my passion), and of preferring to stay at home and read books. Now I have a 2-year-old daughter, and I have a lot of responsibilities related to that. I feel responsible for how my brother spends his vacation – whether he'll be bored or have anxiety. I'm trying to work on communication and recently told him that during my vacation (I have quite a lot of it, about 5-6 weeks a year due to the nature of my job), I can arrange a few bike rides or outings with him, but I want to spend the rest of the vacation with my wife and daughter, and with a friend with whom I'd like to go to the mountains for a few days (I can't imagine myself and my brother in the mountains; knowing him, he'll soon start complaining that it's cold, wet, too hot, too tired, etc.).

Okay – I told him that. His reaction was that it might be so, but he needs to think about it. Under the influence of the new therapy, I tried to be honest with him, telling him that our vacation trips were often a source of stress and anxiety for me, and that now that I have a daughter, I'd like to focus on her.

I said that – but now my anxiety and compulsiveness have significantly increased, and my next therapy session isn't for another few days. Help me sort this out in my head.