It’s happening again

I have been to residential in February to March and since then have been in a relapse as I had no php afterwards. I’m still not going to do php or any more residential but I was doing good for 14 days and now I’m back at square one due to comments from my boyfriend. But the thing is I don’t want treatment anyway and it’s almost as if I’m glad something triggered me back into a relapse as dumb as that sounds. Ugh. I feel dumb.