I’m constantly critical of my body and looks. Does it ever get better?

Hey. So, I’m just venting I dont care about being direct or even forming sentences that are structurally or grammatically correct. I’m just going with the flow. I’m 18 and have been suffering mentally for the past 6 years. It started with an eating disorder. I’ve been on the anxiety/ocd spectrum clinically for the past 11 years. It got worse around the ages of 13-14 and from then till 15 I restricted food intake, worked out a lot and was constantly in guilt of how my body was. I was clearly experiencing body dysmorphia and even anorexia to an extent. I went to the psychiatrist started SSRIs and have been on them for the past 4 years. In my ‘recovery‘ process I put on around 15 kgs. I don’t really think I’ve recovered. During the said recovery period I started the last two years of high school and my anxiety shifted from my body to my academics. I put my heart and soul into it so I could graduate top of my class and I did but at the cost of my physical health and mental peace. I started college but with that came a lot more consciousness around my looks and body. I want to be the best, the hottest and the fittest (I dont know why) to be honest I’m probably extremely mid and it doesn’t help that my ED always creeps in and convinces me that the skinnier me would be far more attractive. This summer I wanted to lose weight so I started working out almost 2 hours but I’ve been unsuccessful in a calorie deficit since my mother doesn’t want me to go back to what I had been doing. I do believe a little weight loss would help me feel better. It doesn’t help that my mother is extremely against it and the fact that to my anxiety there’s not only ’skinny’ now but also ’attractive’ I’ve convinced myself I’m neither and being inside my body feels like a living hell. I constantly feel riled up, compare pictures from when I was actively having an ED. I haven’t found a good therapist. It doesn’t help that SSRIs, workouts disrupt my periods and cause breakouts making me more conscious. I’ve also struggled with ARFID (google it) so eating healthy is really hard. I feel stuck. I don’t like my body nor my face. I say this to my mom and she‘s extremely so she says turn to god or she goes on about how I need to help myself before I help others. I’m studying to become a therapist because I have this drive to help those like myself. I don’t know what the to do. I broke down and needed a medium to vent I suppose. Does it ever get better?