Knowing someone you care about is becoming slowly disinterested in you

i made my first best friend about something less than two years ago, when i started going to university —despite having had many friendships in school, i have always been unlucky with finding a special person for me, something that everyone else seemed to magically have sorted out. me and her didn't click immediately. we were in the same friend group without having personally bonded for more than six months before we finally realized we make a very good duo.

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we spent our first summer after uni together and the autumn after, let's just say she was OBSESSED with me, she wanted to be with me every day, wrote me letters, notes, emphasized how important i am to her and in overall was the first person EVER (and i know many people) who respected my boundaries, taught me to stand up for myself, defended me against my other friends, made me feel treasured and loved, etc.

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of course i, too, was obsessed with her (in a positive way always) and still am, even though we have many ups and downs, she has some intrigue to her that just never fades out for me. even if she completely effs stuff up, my feeling of loving her just stays the same (this doesn't mean i won't hold her accountable if needed). i feel the same now as i felt when we began hanging out, this thrill, this interest to know her deeper even though i already know her too well, i just love being around her and also i love the way she makes me feel.

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as i said we've been on-and-off for the past few months, mostly because she's homesick (her birth place is far away from the city we're studying in, which is my hometown), so she's often in a bad mood and says things that she doesn't mean or says them too harshly. almost every time i got hurt by her, she has managed to patch it up and apologize, and has even encouraged me to be more strict with her so she can be a better friend to me.

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however, this last month she's just, i don't know, so disinterested in me. i can see that she is gradually losing that flaming interest she had in me, doesn't like to be alone with me anymore, doesn't want to put any more effort, doesn't tolerate my insecurities anymore. we HAVE talked about that and she just said she doesn't feel interested in anything these past months, which is partially true, but i know the whole truth is more personal. i am a shy person who doesn't easily stand up for herself so that has tired her out, in the sense that she wants someone who can be strict and direct with her and take up space in the room. this is something that i have tried to improve in myself in, because there's no universe in which i want to come off as passive, since this doesn't represent my true personality at all, and i think i have become way way more vocal thanks to that.

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but it's just not enough, you know? she is someone who loses interest easily and i know that, but i can't bear seeing myself through her eyes and seeing an uninteresting person. i can't feel like my humour is not witty and awkwardly funny anymore, but unnecessary and try-hard. i can't feel like she asks me questions not because she's genuinely curious about me like before, but because she feels like she has to because we're supposed to be besties. I CAN'T FEEL so unwanted in her house, that lingering feeling that never goes away, that she regrets bringing me so close, regrets showing so much interest in me because, oh look, i wasn't that interesting after all!

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this feeling is one of the most devastating things i have ever felt. not having a friend close to my heart in the past was heartbreaking, but having made one and losing her is ten times worse. and i wish i could be nonchalant about this, because i know begging her and chasing after her is only going to make it worse, but it's so unbearable to me because i value her so much.

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since we're supposedly okay with each other during this time, what can i do to reignite the spark or something? i know i can do stuff and surprise her positively, i just have no idea what because this feeling of doom has completely paralyzed me. she has tried hard for this friendship so i want to try hard too and win her back, even though i haven't really lost her (yet). i know all friendships have phases like this but i have been in the position of the person who's become fed up so i know how awkward and hard it is to win the other person back, but i still want to try. i just want to prove myself as her best friend.