My boyfriend is starting to be abusive

Just need some help on what to do if someone can give me some advice on this, Im just try to make this work between us.

​

Sooooo i 18 male and my boyfriend of about 1 year 25 male have been through some things and not so great things. This is a heacktic relationship between us lately so ill get into what I did. So about less then half way through our relationship 3-4 months in i had slept with a guy friend that came over whilst my bf was away on a buisness trip. I was always sexually active i had sex often till I met my bf and started dating we were amazing for each other but like most relationships they have there rough times and when he was away I slept with my friend. The morning after I felt really bad and I promised myslef from then on ill never do anything like that ever which thankfully I haven't i felt really bad so I always did everything I could for my bf based off my guilt. Fyi im the sub-btm and hes the dom-top i always tried my best to cater to his needs sex wise, We never did anything crazy in the bed just ur usuall intimate sex sometimes more rough. Fast forward to 3weeks ago he found out.. and when i say he was mad he was really mad I mean abusive mad. Not trying to justify what I did i definitely deserve what's coming but like i said that was 3-4months in and now its about 1 year in.

​

​

Back to went he found out he went ballistic, I was in the shower at the time and I heard him yelling at me comes in the shower and turns the water off and shows me his phone in the bedroom basically my friend told him what happened he was super mad he grabbed me by the neck and say just saying things like - what my dick isn't big enough for you and just some more things calling my a slut I was apologising so much and tried to talk to him but he wasnt having it, i do understand the crash out but he took it to far grabbing me by the neck pushed my on the bed and starts fucking me i was kind of scared and shocked I didn't move i was just staying still like I was paralysed. He was mad so he was fucking me pretty hard, Way harder then usuall to the point where I passed out cos of the shock. This part might sound kinky but here we go I woke up handcuffed to the bed with both hands also naked him just watching me. Im still a little shaken at the time so he comes up to me and apologises and says he was mad and hes sorry, said hes mine and he got upset at what I did. Then he starts to kiss my lips and he slowly went down to my d proceeding to get me hard which i did 😅 then he did a round 2 but this time it was consensual. The issue is that he wants to fuck me all the time now and I just go along cos of my guilt and that I betrayed him he still loves me and so do i but I feel like and obsessive side of him has come out like for example he wouldn't let me out of his sight always watching me I feel like he just wants to touch me alot more and when ever we get into an argument it always leads to us having rough sex idk why but I just can't keep living like this its not healthy and at times it can be scary not know what hes going to do to me like once he slapped me so hard i actually fell on my ass i was genuinely scared but then he apologiesed straight after and was holding me which led to sex 😅 i know its fucked up but for any advice on this whole situation would be appreciated and how bad did i fuck up and what can I do to fix it?