Hit beans for the first time and I feel underwhelmed??

Okay mini vent- I’ve thought about this day basically since I first started cutting. I thought I’d feel this intense sense of relief and achievement, like I finally did it!! I finally made it! Yk? Or if not, I thought I might panic and be like oh god what have I done, and it would be awful.

But tbh I did it and felt literally nothing. Had no reaction except “oh is that beans? I think it is.” I cleaned up and dressed it like normal and got on with my day like nothing had even happened

Idek what I’m trying to say in this but I just feel kind of confused and like… not disappointed, but something similar to that. Deflated I guess. Also a bit scared to have no reaction, does my brain not even care??

Anyway, thank you for reading my rant