Pic very related. You do not mess with my dogs. One's a bite risk anyway so good luck. 

LEMME BEGIN: This could have been a very reasonable conversation as the core issue is perfectly reasonable. As soon as the situation was over, my husband and I went right to strategizing solutions. 

I have three dogs. Two chihuahuas and a basset hound. As you can imagine, they bark a lot. Mostly inside our home under three conditions: something outside, food, or wanting to go on the deck. I run a tight ship, so when I say so, they're pretty good about shutting up. The hound can be especially annoying because since we got her as a puppy, our chihuahua taught her to yap. It's annoyong as hell, but manageable.

They love being on the deck since it's large and great for playing around on. My hound is only 2, so she's in her teenager phase and is excitable. Heaven forbid, at 5:30pm on a saturday, she decides to bark for like 20 seconds. While my husband and I are trying to settle her, we hear "SHUT UUUUUP!!!" from our neighbour's house.

My neighbour's a twat and his wife is a harpy. This isn't the first time they've shouted at us, but that day they decided to start a screaming match for the entire block to hear. Dude's face was so red. Some highlights include:

\- YOUR DOGS BARK ALL DAY EVERYDAY (false)

\- EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD TELLS HIM HOW THEY ALL FIND MY DOGS ANNOYING (i really doubt that)

\- HE HAS AUDIO RECORDINGS OF OUR DOGS BARKING (maybe, he does that to other people if their dogs are barking. Weirdo.)

\- YOUR DOGS AREN'T TRAINED (false)

\- THEY'RE SENIORS SO THEY \*DESERVE\* PEACE AND QUIET (no more than I do) 

\- HE'S GOING TO CALL THE CITY! AND ANIMAL WELFARE! RIGHT NOW! Well... LATER! Uh... FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING!!" (Spoiler alert: he didn't. But I did! He'd have to record them barking non-stop for 10 minutes to even have a case for a warning). 

He tried to use them barking at that exact moment as evidence, but I would expect them to if someone was being aggressive toward us. Once they clued in that there was no immediate threat, they all quieted down. He's yelling about a dog who was in my husband's arms, dangling tiredly and not making a peep. 

I'm chronically unprepared for confrontation, so I fell for the classic autistic trap of "if I explain the situation's details they'll understand." Looking back, I should have just ended it with an "ok!" but alas. 

We told him that we'd work on it if he would just chill. He suggested that we get a shock collar or "give them to me, I'll train them for free," and I'm proud of myself for stopping him there with a firm "you will not touch my dogs." I'm also proud for giving a firm "let me speak." He clicked in that I'm not one to back down, so he decided to lay into my husband and rat him out for not taking control of them while I'm gone (he's laid off). 

As I said at the beginning, the core issue is very fair. But we've never been told by anyone before that our dogs are barking non-stop when we're both gone, or that it goes on too long. How the heck would we know? He could have just... yknow, told us politely. Or left a note. 

We're the 4th house that I know they have a problem with regarding dogs. We live in a residential neighbourhood. I know he's called animal welfare before on one person, but there's nothing they'll do if it's not a case of distress. 

And we go to bed at 8pm! There's literally nothing that he can actually complain about.

We're installing new blinds so they can't see out the window as easily to avoid some barking. I don't mind putting in the work! But holy shit dude, get over yourself. 

Man decided drunkenly shouting at me/threatening my dogs was a normal human thing to do (enjoy some drama that isn't your own)