What do I do about a friend who is constantly gassing himself up at my expense?

Good morning. I am a 27 year old man from the Northeast. This post is concerned with the behavior of one of my friends (Friend A) in the group of guys I have been close with since high school.

A little background: we all live in a very suburban setting outside NYC. It's very high cost of living, so all of my friends save for two live at home, including myself. Professional and dating success varies from person to person. Regarding myself, I have worked very hard in my career and I am very proud of what I've managed to do, especially considering the debilitating depression I was suffering from until recently. As for dating, I am comfortably alone (even if some days it's hard) and waiting until I get my health into shape before I try to put myself out there again.

The reason why I mention professional and dating success like that is because all of us want good jobs and a partner. I don't know anyone who doesn't want either. It is a poor measure of a person's worth, but it is critical to understanding the mindset of the friend in question here. We are all still young and working on ourselves, so a lack of "success" isn't necessarily a fault. But comparison is the thief of joy, and that is mostly what brings this trouble on.

A few details regarding myself: I have always been a very hard worker, ever since I turned 16. As much as I have been a hard worker, I have been very fortunate in my career to have been surrounded by such intelligent and kind people that have contributed to my growth. In August of 2024, I left my high intensity job because my whole life was deteriorating (my father died a week after I started that job earlier that year). I gained a ton of weight, and I developed an unhealthy taste for alcohol. My boss affectionately told me that the quality of my work was declining, and that I needed to make a decision on whether this job was best for me going forward (she was well aware of my situation). I took the out, and left the job on great terms. Two weeks after I left that job I went back to working part time at a place I've been at on and off since high school, since I became very close with the owner/manager there. I spent a little over a year working part time while also trying to get my mind right. By late 2025 I was feeling immensely better, in large part because this was the first real rest I had gotten in years. One of my best friends (Friend B, our mutual best friend) got me an interview with his company. I nailed the interview and the test assignment, and I was hired in November. Ever since then, my life has finally settled and stabilized. I am paying off my debts and managing my money. I am keeping my space clean and following my routines. I am being kinder to my mother and I take pride in doing my part in maintaining our home. I finally like the work I'm doing, and I for the first time I actually feel good at my job without feeling the need to hear that from someone. The best part, is that I've lost over 20 pounds since March, and I am well on my way to getting my body to where I want it to be.

My friend (Friend A), has recently been aggravating me with how he has been speaking to me and treating me. Over the same period of time in which my life deteriorated and turned around, he has been incredible about exercise and going to the gym. He is very proud of how much weight he has lost, and the changes are visible. Anyone who has put in the work like he has deserves to feel good about the results. Here is the problem: it doesn't seem to be enough that I can appreciate his hard work and even talk about it with him. He is at the point where in order for him to feel good, he has to bring me down. And this is where I start to get riled up and defensive. Spending time with him now includes being on the receiving end of a constant harangue about how good he think he looks, how he thinks girls are staring at him at the gym, how he "thinks [he] should be a body builder," and in general just a number of strange statements that together form a broader pattern. For example, last night with zero provocation or context he asked if he can "blue-eye mog me," and proceeded to argue with me because I didn't immediately agree that he has more beautiful eyes than me. This is a 26 year old man. The reason I mention that this is a part of a trend is because he does not behave this way with our other friends, especially Friend B. I am starting to believe that this is because he has witnessed my weight gain from my lowest to my highest (which got very high), and because of his (documented) jealousy of my new job combined with his fitness success, my appearance has become his indirect vehicle for self-aggrandizement. Otherwise, why is it with me specifically that I am on the receiving end of this behavior if not for some sort of lack of respect?

I want to be fair to my friend here. Behind all this crap is a person who has been my friend for ten years now. This is not the kind of situation where I am wondering why I ever became friends with someone; the personality that made me want to be friends with him to begin with is still there.

However, I am going to assert myself here and say that all of this crap is a byproduct of his lack of professional success. I am deeply sympathetic to people who work in terrible environments with terrible people, and to people who are constantly being denied fair reward for their hard labor. It happens every day, and it's been the case since the dawn of time. Where I am right now is a mix of hard work and luck, for which I am grateful. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that none of this applies to my friend. He has no work ethic. He has never worked a full 40hr week, let alone have a full time job. He does not have a license, so almost every time he wants to go somewhere I find myself responsible for him. He resists any and all efforts from his friends to even discuss possibilities or solutions and often meets it with hostility.

I just don't know what to say or do to put a stop to this. It's tiresome. I am worried enough about him falling behind his friends because of his professional apathy. Him not having the money or availability like others do is already causing tension. But if he keeps talking to me like this and treating me like this, he's going to lose the one friend who has been carrying him the most to help him keep pace. I would like to avoid that.

My apologies for the long winded post, and I very much appreciate if you read it this far. Any advice is much appreciated.