Unpopular opinion: Emily Gilmore is a far worse parent than Lorelai gets credit for

I love Emily as a character. She’s funny, intelligent, witty, and some of the show’s best scenes involve her. But as a mother? I honestly think she’s awful.

One thing that has always frustrated me is how often fans blame Lorelai for the breakdown of their relationship while giving Emily a pass because she’s entertaining/a great character for a show.

From what we see throughout the series, Emily is:
- Extremely critical of Lorelai from childhood into adulthood.
- Obsessed with appearances and social status.
- Dismissive of Lorelai’s feelings whenever they conflict with Emily’s expectations - ESPECIALLY Lorelai’s relationships.
- Constantly manipulative (using money, guilt, and obligations to get her way).
- Rarely capable of apologizing or taking accountability.

People often point to Lorelai’s flaws—and she certainly has them—but I think they ignore that Lorelai spent her entire childhood being told, directly and indirectly, that she wasn’t good enough.

What always stands out to me is that even as a successful adult, Lorelai still reverts back to being a hurt teenager whenever she’s around Emily. That’s usually a sign that the wounds never really healed. I think whenever she acts “immature”, we see a young Lorelai that didn’t get the love she needed.

My grandma is a lot like Emily, and while she is an awesome grandma, you most certainly would not want to have her as a Mom - I know my mom at least would rather not.

I think both Emily and Mrs. Kim are examples
of parents who loved a certain idea of their daughters but caused significant emotional damage in not being able to love them as they are. I know there has been a lot of discussion about her, the role is meant to be controversial, but what am I missing? Is it my subjective perspective? Why do so many fans place most or a lot of the blame on Lorelai rather than Emily?