I am so confused what is going on with me

New to AP

I was around 14yrs old that time, my experience before was I woke up around 12midnight, I felt so thirsty and got up to get some water, when I touched the glass, my hand just got through. I was so scared and immediately looked back on the bed, I saw my body at the bed and it's not breathing. I was panicking and I saw everyone with me on that room sleeping. I went to the next room and I saw my older cousin playing video games, I kept trying to shake him but my hands just got through him, I cannot even touch him, I felt like a ghost. I was panicking so bad and decided to copy my body's form that time and lie back in bed. I woke up immediately with a biggggg breath. I immediately checked on the other room if my older cousin was really playing video games or maybe it was a dream. But no it's not, he was really playing video games and at the exact position where I saw him while I was roaming around in that state.

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Ever since I experienced that, I have always been having bad dreams. Like some dark smoke following me in my dream and I kept running away from it. I dream of something dark chasing me everyday and there was this one time where the black smoke eventually catched up to me and i saw shackles both of my feet, it was dragging me to a big dark smoke and I prayed so hard. I don't know but the fear that I will die when I enter that smoke hit me in that dream. Out of desperation, I started imagining I was in a different location. Everything bright, a lot of candies around and basically a dreamland and just like that, my whole dream changed. It changed from that dark thing to a whole new different thing. I just imagined what I want and the dream would do it for me. I wanted to fly, I flew. And as the time goes by, most of my dreams, I was able to control them and the dark smoke never showed up again cuz everytime I feel like a dream is turning into a nightmare, I would imagine the exact opposite and all sweet things around me which also changes on my dream as I think of it.

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Around my teenage years, I always have sleep paralysis EVERY NIGHT, before I sleep. Which resulted to me being scared of sleeping. No matter how good I can control dreams, my fear of sleep paralysis hits me every night and I lived through it without telling anyone. Because of that, I started to pray every night. I would ask for protection with everything and it actually did work. Everytime I miss a prayer, I would have sleep paralysis and a dream that turns into a nightmare would follow. The same thing something dark is chasing me.

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There was also one time where I kept having repetitive dreams. Like this one dream example, waking up early for school then taking a bath, eating and then when we were ready to leave, I woke up again. I was so confused because I was pretty sure I woke up already. But even with the confusion, I continued to move, I got out of bed, I took a bath, I ate breakfast as usual and then when we were ready to leave again, I woke up again. I was so confused with it. The dream repeated around 4 times and made me almost crazy because I couldn't figure out which one is the reality. I was so scared. I prayed so hard the next day and asked for help to God that I cannot figure out reality from a dream anymore. That same night, I dreamnt of a young boy, he looked at me very pitifully and said he will help me. I was in a plain white everything. It was so bright and everthing was white, like a bright light, and there's a big white clock in front of me. The boy told me, everytime I would have those repetitive dreams, I should look at the clock. When the clock is not running, I'm in a dream. If the clock is running, I'm in the reality. He told me that he will be watching over me. And the dream stopped. Ever since then when I had dreams, I would always look for the clock and check wether the clock is running or not and it was a big help.

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I had more experiences to share but this is becoming too long. I'd love to share in the comments if anyone is interested or having the same thing.

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One thing lastly, when I got older, I felt so sensitive. Everytime i visit a room/place, I would feel so heavy and like I'm being suffocated inside. Then I would ask something about the room and they would tell me something like a past about the room or the place. There was one time I went alone in the CR of a hotel and I felt nauseous. It was real goosebumps and the hairs on my skin were all standing then suddenly, I felt the feeling was so heavy. I opened the CR door so I could run incase something happened. But the door suddenly closed by itself and the light turned off. I was so panicked but never told anyone about it since I have roommates and I'm sure that would make them so uncomfortable.

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Posted Jun 17, 2026, 1:13 PM UTC

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