r/AgeGap•
wrxmum

When age-gaps affect intimacy..

NSFWQuestion 💬❓

How often do those of you who are BOTH 40+ years old, share intimacy?

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I'm F42 been married to M53 for 16 years, we have x2 teenage kids. We have always bonded the strongest through intimacy, it has been a huge part of our marriage. At least every other day since we started going out.

The last few years have been the furthest we've ever grown apart due to both of us self-distancing, disregulated emotions, unmet needs & external stressors. I was not very interested in being intimate, so during those years hubby predominately used porn to get his release.

For the last 3 months we have started healing ourselves to show up better for each other. All good positive things. However, I have lately gained a kind of "awakening" where I have flipped & am craving & wanting intimacy daily, often more than once. Multiple orgasms each time, strong emotional connection, loads of foreplay, absolute bliss!

It appears that hubby doesn't share the same drive & has said he only needs to finish every 2-3 days. He is basically happy to stimulate me, get plenty of stimulation from me too, but often loses erections or cannot finish & gets frustrated. Intimacy has always been a mutual pleasure for us. It hurts that I can't always give him satisfaction alongside mine. I know he is feeling pressured, but this is all new to me. Where we last left off, it was sometimes daily, or at least every other day.

So I'm not sure what to do, how to be kind in approaching my concerns. Like is this just an age gap related issue, attraction problem or death grip?

Posted Jun 17, 2026, 1:14 PM UTC

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