I don’t want to die,

My life feels like I keep reliving the same thing just different variations, I grew up poor, my father died abruptly and I became even more aware of the poverty. Dependent on extended family for handouts from high school to uni. An almost successful suicide attempt when I was 22 and I still feel robbed of my death. This was 8 years ago, and now I can’t even afford to live. This has been a recurring theme throughout my adulthood, I get a job, nobody understands me (I’m autistic), they get rid of me because of it. All the jobs I’ve had gave me shit pay so I have no savings, I’m unemployed again. I don’t know how I’ll pay for my rent next month, all the things I need to barely exist… I have nothing and I just want it to be over but I can’t even afford the poison that I could use to die. I hate my life, and I wish my parents were responsible enough to get an abortion because there’s no way I could continue to live this way. I can’t die from home because I don’t want to traumatise my housemate… but I also can’t afford to be anywhere else. I can’t humiliate myself any further by asking for help. Everything is fucked and I just want it to be over.