Not good enough

Curious ako para sa mga tumagal ng 5 years and up sa isang company. Pano nyo nakakayang tumagal?

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Brief overview:

kaka 4 years kopa lang sa work ko & nakaka 2 post nako (from entry to promoted).

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Situation:

This past few months, felt like a roller coaster both sa work & personal life.

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I tried to engage more like joining company activities, giving my all to share my thoughts and stood my ground as someone na tenure to help my teammates. But at times, yung personal struggle ko na para akong invisible in a way na naiinggit ako sa ibang ka team ko. Yes naiinggit ako. Mapapatanong ako ng, bat sila my magndang nagagawa, nashashout out. Bat ako wala? Wala nga ba talaga? or im simply not good enough. Naghahanap "lang" ba ako ng validation or there's really something wrong na?

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ilang beses ng sumasagi sa isip ko magresign pero just like the majority of working individuals, I dont have savings that is enough to sustain while either resting for a few weeks or while job hunting.

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Di ko pa rin magawang mag hanap ng new work in advance kasi Im still holding on.

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With what Im feeling right now, naapektuhan ang attendance ko in a way na napa overbreak ako during power outage like nasabaw ako. Then 1 lunch na over din ako for 17 minutes dahil nakatulog ako feeling so drained.

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"eh bakit dmo kausapin leader/supervisor mo?"

- I tried it twice and it didnt went well in a way na yung so called "process improvement" felt like naging dagdag challenge sa work. Kulang nalang sabihin e " gusto nyo ng change diba?".

Either nagaslight ako/kami or baka isa akong narcissist na hindi marunong mag adapt?

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I dont know what to think or how can I express myself na hindi feeling mapepenalized ako for speaking up.

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I have bills to pay, family to "support" (im not a bread winner but im helping my sis), but now im struggling and fighting with my 🧠.

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Please be gentle sa mga magrerespond. Babasahin ko lahat if my mag rereact. Hoping it will shed light to my world that's starting to go darker.

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