is my (f21) boyfriend (m23) emotionally abusive or just a shitty boyfriend?

here's everything that i could think of off the top of my head

- farts on me. like skin to skin sits on my lap and fucking farts on me. if he can't do that he will cross the room to fart towards me. i've told him i hate it and it's hard to be attracted to someone who does things like this and he's toned it down but definitely has not stopped after 3 years

- guilt trips me when i ask him to change a behavior

- jokes about killing me

- anytime i ruin something he never lets me fix it. i poured sauce on the chicken wrong, well god nica why are you being stupid now the chickens not covered. and i say you can just move the chicken around in the pan and it will get covered and he goes nope it has to go in the oven like this. like forcing me to live with my mistake. this type of thing happens every time i make a simple and easily fixable mistake and it's exhausting

- always bringing up past mistakes and never lets me forget them and move on. one time he layed in my spot of the bed right out of the shower and i said a word that i didn't know was a slur for latino people at the time. i literally never heard it before. but now he never lets me forget it

- lied to me saying he would go to couples therapy with me i'm pretty sure he just said that to get me to shut up

- put marble (a neonatal kitten with a 40% chance of death) in danger so many times for no fucking reason. refusing to take her to the vet when she lost weight, getting mad at me for feeding her every 2 hours, not believing my research, promising to help me with her and literally did nothing at all like maybe woke up once in the middle of the night to feed her, wanted me to bring her to madyson's freezing ass house just so i could go hang out with some bitch i don't even like. no actually i don't care how much i love you i'm not putting her in danger for this bullshit. not to mention this whole experience told me i absolutely cannot and should not have kids with this man

- blames his mistakes on me and makes me cry when it wasn't even my fault and then only apologizes when he hears me cry. like if i don't run to the bathroom and break down on the floor he literally doesn't give a fuck or spend two seconds to think about his actions. he hugs me and i list out all these reasons why i'm heartbroken and i stand there crying in his arms thinking this is the last time it will happen and this time he sees how much it hurts and then the very next day i see absolutely nothing has changed

- yelled at me for putting a blanket on him after opening the window to smoke and it was rlly cold outside. literally giving him my unspoken girlfriendly love reserved specifically for him and i get yelled at for it

- insists on sleeping with the tv on, giving zero regard for my need for sleep and constantly overstimulating me. i've brought this up so many times that i've given up. because every time i do he just goes "well i've been sleeping like this my whole life" okay??? i've been sleeping needing quiet and never getting it my whole life. don't you think i deserve to be comfortable at least one goddamn day of the week? am i crazy for thinking that i should've gotten at least one day of my ideal sleeping conditions instead of his? and he would always be mean when i'd ask to turn the tv down. i cried myself to sleep so many times

- tells me he wishes i wasnt mentally disabled (which i suppose from a non disabled person standpoint i can understand he might think is a good thing to say but it's like if you don't like my mental illness and cognitive impairment you unfortunately don't like me like i'm stuck like this whether or not you like it or want it so hearing that definitely hurt)

- generally rude, angry, or willfully misunderstanding of the cats, yells and calls them a bitch when they use their nails, gets mad at them when he accidentally steps on them

- admits to being a bad boyfriend and constantly asking if i hate him

- constantly tells me how much money he spends on me (which he does, and i appreciate, but he certainly chooses to do way more than he needs to)

- sided with his sister when she "jokingly" told me she hated me to my face. apparently i don't understand what jokes are cus it wasnt very funny at all

- says racist and sexist things anonymously online and when i confronted him about it he claimed they were jokes but me personally i've never and will never joke about things that make me look like a bigot

- doesn't care about my sensory issues or my social battery. i don't even think he's lied and tried to convince me he cares. or at least, his actions show he very clearly doesn't. he's always saying passive aggressive shit like "i remember when i used to be able to hear my tv" yeah well i remember when i used to be able to make a mistake without my boyfriend making me want to hurt myself

- refuses to let me just have my opinions. i can't hate ai in peace cus the guy i'm supposed to love is being contrarian