Depression cost me my relationship of 3 years, I’m very lost

My caption says the majority of it, I (27f) lost my long distance partner (31m) of three years because I let grief and depression, as well as my abusive home life (mother) destroys me and now I’m just waking up every hour sobbing and I feel very lost-

I really love my partner but he wanted to give up and I feel like I have nobody to blame but myself
I was sleeping so much due to feeling sick or depressed- a few of my cats passed away last year, including one this year and that on top of my home life with my mother kills me

He told me a few times he was unhappy but I thought things were doing better but

I guess not ;; I got a message from him six days ago saying like he felt I wasn’t on the same page as him
And now he’s just gone and I’m a mess.

I guess I’m not sure what I’m looking for? Kind words?

I really love him and wanted more than anything to spend my life with him and it just hurts that he gave up on us

We never really had big fights, just small arguments here and there when we had bad days, often followed up with apologies and I love yous-
And now I just find myself curled up into my pillows sobbing pretending it’s him ;;

Long distance sucks. I looked so forward to moving out of here and in with him and now I feel more trapped and hopeless than ever

I miss him so much