I’m so sick of my life but I don’t know what to do about it

I am (16f) a teenager daughter to African parents. I feel so lonely I haven’t confided in my parents in anything because they’re genuinely toxic as fuck and always find a way to blame me and they’re just so emotionally unstable. They are so unhappy with their lives and it’s so insane because I live in such a hopeless household.

Anyways, my biggest dream in the entire world is to be a singer and it’s been my dream since I was 6 years old. My parents have no idea. And I can’t event imagine telling them unless I moved out already and moved to NYC.

Anyways, I wanna move to NYC asap but I have no money, I’m a bit insecure, lack belief in myself, am not fit, don’t know how to dance, okay singing voice. I can’t even practice singing at home because my parents will hear me and it’ll be weird because they don’t know I want to sing and they are religious so they won’t agree with my career path anyways.

My life looks like this: wake up an hour before school, get ready for school, go to school (no one at school knows about my dream as well and it’s not like I have a close friend because everyone is fake as fuck), go home, drown in homework, sleep by 10 pm because i genuinely can’t keep my eyes open anymore at the time). Oh and any free time I have I maladaptive daydream because my life is so boring mundane predictable and I’m so fucking unhappy.

I’m apply to uni in October and about a month ago I had a big fat argument with my parents where they said my 2 options is to go to uni in the city we live while living with them or take a gap year and do nothing and just stay home that whole fucking year. (I feel like I can’t go against them because I’m still 17 for a big part of my first semester at uni but idk) and it’s not like I can really go behind their back because I have 0 dollars to my name, they don’t want me working during the school year because I’ve gotta focus on school even tho it makes me so fucking unhappy and during the semester they’re so unsupportive when I was looking for jobs that I just lowkey gave up to shut their asses up because I’m exhausted from all the arguments and bullshit.

Summer is coming up, I’m sure it’ll look so much like last year: we all stay home, on our phones, doomscrolling all day. And I’m tired of living like this I keep asking god to stop waking me up because I don’t think I’m strong enough to make the changes I need (as if I even know what I’m supposed to do because I just feel so lost and weak and I just want to give up but my daydreams are all of this future version of me who gets to go on tour and she’s so strong).

If I’m being completely honest, I’m now where near suicidal I don’t see myself going past just asking god to stop waking me up, but the only reason I’m not too angry at that is hope that things will magically change (which I know it won’t but it’s comforting but it’ll vanish once I graduate from high school) and love. The idea of finding my soulmate who will love me with everything he is and fight my battles with me and sometimes even for me keeps me going. I’m so lonely I watch porn pretending I’m the girl because I want to me loved and have that attention (videos of real couples or the making love stuff idk)

I’m just tired and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this without genuinely going insane.

I’m also too scared to confront my parents because I know how they are and they have such a laser beam type of mindset where they think they’re right and everyone else is wrong in terms or religion, lifestyle, and everything in between.

I don’t know what to do. Constructive criticism is much appreciated, please be really mean because I think it might help me wake up.