Vent

I just need a moment to vent. I have had the year from hell. I have CRPS, fibromyalgia, pots, degenerative disc disease and a billion other issues. I've been in the worst flare of my life for a straight year. But the last 7 months have been insane. In November I had to get my appendix out. Less than a week after I started having blood in my stool that we surely thought was related. It wasn't apparently. From December-now I've been at GI at least once a month trying to figure that out. On Tuesday I had a capsule endoscopy. For those that don't know, that's when you swallow a camera to better see your small intestine and if you develop severe stomach pain that's usually a major red flag. I, of course, developed very severe stomach pain Tuesday night after eating dinner. GI sends me to the ER to make sure the camera didn't get stuck. I go to the ER and they run a bunch of tests to find out...it was my freaking gallbladder. COMPLETELY UNRELATED. I was in the hospital Tuesday-Friday, had surgery on Thursday to get my gallbladder removed. I'm currently miserable but surviving. I officially only have one pain pill left out of the FIVE they gave me with no hope of getting any more.

I just am really getting my ass kicked by life and I don't know how to find the motivation to keep going. I'm barely getting any help in managing my pain. I saw Penn pain management for months and they wouldn't prescribe regular pain meds so I've tried everything they asked. Most of the medications they wanted me to try it was my second time trying them. I've been sick since I was 13 years old and now I'm 30. I tried lyrica (for the second time), cymbalta (for the second time), gabapentin(for the second time), muscle relaxers, cortisone injections, I finally gave in and tried ketamine treatments to no avail. I'm on low dose naltrexone and I'm trying some supplements but that's it. That's all I have. Like I just don't know what to do. How am I supposed to live like this for another maybe 50 years?