I don't think I am asexual but...what am I?

NSFWAdvice 🤷🏻

Nsfw tag because i mention sexual stuff. Nothing very graphic, but there are mentions of it so just in case.

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So, idk where to start. Ever since I (M21) was young, I have had a weird relationship to real life sex and romance.

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I have been obsessed with fanfiction and ships and the idea of romance, but real life sex or love just didn't work for me.

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Honestly I should have been suspicious when I was already basically an adult and still wondered what romantic love must be like. I have experienced limerence, but no actual romantic feelings. I think for me, attraction has always been more of a "I adore this person's vibe and the dynamic we have, wouldn't it be cool if we were in love like in one of those cute stories?" I would like a relationship and I do believe I am capable of being in one, it's just that I have never been in love ever, and even during relationships it was more of a "friends who kiss sometimes" situation, because I didn't actually experience love and instead just wanted to feel like one of my lovey dovey fiction characters.

I think I might just need a long time to form emotional connections, cause I can think to myself "this person is cute" but I am not in actual love in any way or want a relationship.

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Now for sex it's even more confusing to me.

I find people aesthetically pleasing, but don't really feel sexually attracted to them whatsoever? Like i do have a libido, but i prefer to just deal with it myself and the idea of me actually having sex is just so odd to me. Even if I were to sleep with someone, which I am currently not really interested in to be honest, it wouldn't be cause I am attracted to them in that way, cause I am not. It would be just for the sake of curiosity and vibes and that's about it. I would be perfectly content just never having sex ever, even if I am not automatically repulsed by sex as a concept. I like the aesthetics and artistic culture behind sexual spaces, and nsfw doesn't gross me out. I have had a few situations where sexual interactions were either done or advances were made by the other person and even while I was getting touched, i just...don't get it? The other person being there, even if I think they're aesthetically or interactionally pleasing, is a bit weird to me.

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I have often had girls and guys want a relationship or sexual interaction with me, but I just can't be bothered and usually friendzone them. I feel bad for it but Idk what else to do really, i just don't relate. I do flirty jokes with people I feel comfortable with, and back then I used to think I had to be sexual to over compensate for my lack of sexual interest, i liked the compliments and positive attention, but nonetheless i didn't actually care for the sex part.

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Now to make it even more weird, I still think fictional characters can be attractive. Though I am obviously not actually in love with them, considering they're not real and all, I do fanboy, look at fanart, even suggestive fanart and think they're cute. The gender doesn't matter here. I imagine fictional scenarios and draw fictional characters cuddling or holding hands, but that's as far as my sexual attraction can reach.

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I don't know a lot about LGBT+ labels because there wasn't any representation allowed where I grew up, so please excuse me if I am being ignorant. I have moved where it is legal and am trying my best to learn more. If someone has a label for me I would prefer a simple, more widely known one if possible, or at least an optional umbrella term?

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I currently identify as bisexual. I used to think I was gay because women arround me didn't turn me on, but then realized men don't really do it for me either. I would love being in a romantic relationship one day and even getting married, but I'd be content if all we do is hand holding and cuddling, soft closed mouth kisses are okay too. Sex isn't a deal breaker for me, it's just not really interesting to me and I wouldn't do it because I get turned on by their body or whatever, which is what I have been told is the norm for sex.

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I know this is a long text, but I would appreciate help from people more informed than me. I DID read the FAQ and wikis and all, but it still doesn't quite answer my questions to the extent I need. I am a little lost and would like other people to help out.

Posted Jun 22, 2026, 5:57 PM UTC

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