god loves you but not enough to save you

i recently got admitted to the hospital and i had no one with me. i had to drag myself out of the bed with the agonizing stomach pain, i had to fill out shit on my own, waited til the medication worked so i can proceed to eat after a long agonizing day. it was so terrifying. it felt like a preview of my future.

i had to postpone a lot of crucial things due to my adult responsibilities, and i owe myself so much from things that are irreversible. high stakes decisions i made when i was in desperate situations.

i had no one and god ive tried. ive tried everything to survive. it doesnt get better. i feel so so hopeless.

i wanna be held tightly. i want to rest. i honestly don’t know how much longer i can hold on. i didn't grow up in a better advice but it's all i know and it's all i want now.