KIDNEY PUNCH - Crazy Dystopian Martial Arts Action Kung Fu Satire - First 52 pages

A few days ago I received an enthusiastic logline review of this script on Storypeer’s Logjam feedback workshop platform.

Logline:

When a former martial arts instructor is chained to the backroom of a dystopian grocery store on the night his wife goes into labor, he must team up with a cybernetic, family-loving rat to fight off a psychotic exterminator, pass his agonizing kidney stone, and finally accept his impending fatherhood.

I’d love to connect with that writer. They can PM me if they wish.

I am currently rewriting the screenplay, but wanted to share the 1st Act. Upon review, it seems the 1st Act ends around page 52!  About 20 pages too late.

Maybe that writer or others can offer suggestions on what to cut.

Just a warning:

This is a crazy, maximalist, everything-and-the-kitchen sink for ideas included, maybe even an indulgent script. But I think it's fun, original, imaginative and probably something like you haven't read before. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/18yEJuyOjfVjhiOZu45dZANy_FWdwTXEZ/view?usp=sharing

Thanks in advance!